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Love » Romance-intimacy » Perfect-10-fidelity-070917
Perfect 10 For A Good Marriage Part V - Fidelity

Perfect 10 For A Good Marriage Part V - Fidelity Fidelity Means Not Even Thinking Of Sharing Yourself With Another

It's a tall order, but then marriage isn't child's play! But it's worth it - while the right approach to family life assures fidelity, fidelity in turn gives a couple a canopy of security, and privacy to thrive under...

Most people have a pretty straightforward perception of marriage in their youth - young men dream of having a caring, faithful wife and girls of a handsome, attentive husband. Fact is - you look forward for enjoying a great relationship with a spouse or partner.


Despite the slow invasion of an 'anything goes' mindset, it is highly unlikely that you envisage a 'mixed doubles' post-marriage scenario. Even so, a hyperactive, imaginative media that increasingly projects a distorted view of intimacy and sex is fuelling widespread cynicism about an ideal marriage.

It may be getting harder to believe, but fidelity WAS, IS and will always BE an integral part of the moral fibre of married life.

Fidelity isn't boring
Why would a married person think of sex outside a marriage? While infidelity is born of many reasons, one is generally seeking to satisfy indulgent, selfish or even obscene desires concerning sex. But even harbouring secret desires of a little bit 'extra' is in some way disregarding your marital covenant.

Marriage is unlike any other relation. It's about sharing 'you' wholly, not in part. As long as you preserve this marital promise - made in front of a priest, or fire or wherever - there remains no room to give yourself to another. Infidelity destroys the exclusivity that you promised each other. An 'open' marriage defeats the meaning of marriage.

'Open' arrangements suggest a lack of commitment. Then why marry? A marriage is meant to give you a secure structure within which you can grow, individually and jointly, and work to create a happy space to share.

Safeguard your relation
Fidelity should be as much an attitude of your heart, as your practical approach to nurture your marriage. Ask yourself - am I there for my partner whenever, however I'm needed?

When you no longer hold your partner's needs close to your heart, you enter a 'danger zone' by sending an 'available' signal to those around. Where fidelity is concerned, prevention is always better than cure. Remember, there is no guarantee to being able to restore a marriage after a setback.

Infidelity, as Nina a working mother of two learnt, is like being in business with a cheat. Her husband Satish had a demanding job that required him to be clued-in almost 24x7. She thought it was 'only' the job, and accepted that he was a hard-working dad and husband.

Prioritise your life - make time for each other
But it meant that he had almost no time for his children and worse, for her. The precious hours they spent together, and the intimacy had taken a beating. They now had so little time together that she averted asking questions about his 'other' (supposedly working) life, and he avoided sharing. She thought it was natural for him not to want to waste more time.

But Nina learnt the hard way that this was a bad idea. She and Satish had never openly discussed the possible fallout of him spending so much time in the company of his female colleagues. She had trusted him implicitly, only to be hurt to the core when she learnt of his affairs.

Nina and Satish didn't last. But couples that regularly spend time doing fun things together will make it to the sunset years of their life. Don't procrastinate in making plans - your marriage is at stake!

P.S. Next week, I'll talk about 'creativity,' a value that helps put the spice back into your married life, and thus preserve fidelity.

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Charu Bahri
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