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Shaaditimers » Member-contribution » Against-my-will-060124
Against my will - A viewpoint

There is a moot point about arranged marriages and "sex on demand as a right" within arranged marriages, that most people, involved in the "arrangement" ignore completely - the fact that we, as people are more aware today of our right to happiness and the pursuit of it.

Marriages are still purely socio-economic contracts arranged by insensitive people, who need to make the formula come about rather than the arrangement work effectively for the happiness of all involved. I know of several traditionally arranged marriages where the couple involved have managed to attain happiness, mainly because their socialisation as children taught them to be caring, considerate and respectful of other people and their needs. A simple matter of sensitivity and good manners. Their parents paid personal attention to how they brought their children up.


The word "rape" as applied to forced sex within a marriage is worth discussing. I believe, in most situations of inequality of any kind, the interaction between two individuals becomes riven with power games. Why do, for instance, women withold sex in a marriage that is clearly a socio-economic contract implying a certain obligatory sexual functionality?

For women, in a powerless situation, it's the only tenuous hold on power within the relationship, a negotiation point. Several of my male friends have arranged marriages for their daughters, but with such care and wonderful attention to understanding their own child and trying to find a compatible boy who would cherish their child.

They were not driven by duty but by love. When good parenting techniques combine with good manners; I believe socio-pathologies of this nature will reduce. Our society, moreover, seems to be in transition as far as women are concerned. We are more educated, independently wealthy and emotionally savvy and aware of our right to the pursuit of happiness.

Unfortunately, our men seem to have socially and psychologically not kept pace with us; seem caught in a time warp that makes their behaviour brutal and unacceptable. Interestingly, one of the two parents of this pathological brute, is a woman and in the role of the mother, in a unique position to have influenced him profoundly. Instead, shamefully, I admit to having seen many mothers "break" their sons creating monsters out of them. Isn't it ironic?

P C Vellaichamy
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