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Love » Romance-intimacy » Selecting-man-080114
Lessons From The KS - Part 3: Selecting Your Man
Lessons From The KS - Part 3: Selecting Your Man What kind of men does the Kama Sutra think make good partners? We present a ready-reckoner of sorts, for both men and women. Ladies - judge the men who come into your life for their worth. Gentlemen - do you measure up, in these ways? Read on for more...

Nowadays, a lot of people talk of the modern Indian woman - what defines her, how does she pass her time, what are her aspirations and desires, and so on. But what about the man in her life, or what kind of man she should go for? Or is 'go for' a misnomer - should she make a show of reticence, and sit back and wait to be wooed?

For a fresh take on this, we turn to the Kama Sutra. Could any of Vatsyayana's narrations on choosing a partner apply to the modern Indian woman?


Apparently yes, because even though he wrote primarily with courtesans in mind, his guidance is based on his sound, astute understanding of any woman's needs and a man's psychology.

"She should make every effort to captivate
Men whom it is disastrous to avoid
And prosperous to seek,
And she should use every pretext to get close to them."

What exactly does "prosperous to seek" mean? Like scholars of the time, Vatsyayana emphasized the quality of generosity in a man. But interestingly, he explained that it is possible to cultivate generosity in a man who is in love.

Who is a generous man? Judge him by this simple rule - A generous man has no regard for the past. He doesn't think - 'Oh! I gave her so much money last week, so I will not give her any today.'

So if you feel love blossoming, ladies, check how loose your man's purse strings are towards yourself, to assure yourself of an easier tomorrow.

But never go for a generous man who isn't genuinely interested in you, for as the Kama Sutra states - generous men cannot be made to fall in love through mere persistence.

"And she should seek out, even by spending her own money,
Those who think on a large scale and have great energy,
Those who, in a good mood, will give her money
Even for some small matter, and without counting it."

Grateful men are also high up on the Kama Sutra's list of men worth linking up with. Why? Unlike generous men, a grateful man has regard for the troubles you have taken in the past, for you going out of your way to please him, and so his passion doesn't suddenly cool off. Put it this way - he will not be here today, gone tomorrow!

There is a class of men, however, that Vatsyayana places over and above the generous or grateful types. Men who do what you need to have done - in matters of love or practical living - are rated higher than merely generous men, for these men 'give,' with the thought of rendering satisfaction.

When it comes to spending a lifetime with a man, satisfaction plays a huge role - it implies love, and getting all you need. And isn't that what we all want?

P.S. Next week, we take a look at the kinds of embracing that make for a memorable weekend!

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Also Read
Lessons From The KS - Kissing Part 1
Lessons From The KS - Kissing Part 2
Lessons From The KS - Embracing
Lessons From The KS - An Ideal Wife
Lessons From The KS - A Bond That Lasts A Lifetime
Lessons From The KS - Men - That Women Love (Part I)
Lessons From The KS - Men - That Women Love (Part II)
Lessons From The KS - The Run Up To Sex
Lessons From The KS - Give Him What He Wants
Lessons From The KS - Is She Your Kind Of Woman?
Lessons From The KS -Is It Over?

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