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Perfect 10 For A Good Marriage - Love
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 Marriages are perhaps made in heaven, but it takes hard work and more, to keep a marriage going on earth!
Don't jump to a hasty conclusion about this perfect 10 - as it has nothing to do with the physical attributes that make for a perfect marriage! A good marriage is a meeting of minds, much before a physical relation comes into the picture.
You may argue that the crucial decision - 'whether to marry or not' - is nowadays most always taken after liking both a persons' mind and body (or the other way around!). Nevertheless, values have been, and continue to be the foundation of a good marriage.
Where did the love go?
Values - principles that you hold dear in your mind - work like magic to cement your relation. For this reason, I'll focus on 10 values that are of paramount importance to a good marriage - like love. The most basic ingredient of any close relation, it is often taken for granted in the case of marriage. As though - love is a given when two people are married.
But real life is far more complex. The first rush of love often fades after a few years (or more or less!) of marriage. This is not to say that the partners have fallen out of love, although this situation is sometimes mistakenly perceived as such. It simply means that early on, passion was perceived as synonymous with love, and now, passion may no longer drive the relation. Don't despair - this isn't such a bad thing!
Love is a many splendoured thing
It gives you a chance to concentrate on love. Love is, after all, a many splendoured thing. It has so many facets - that it can take a lifetime to experience every face of love. But the beauty of love is that you don't have to take it all in, at once. Passion can give way to a different form of intimacy that is still loveful, but less urgent, less eager to prove, yet desirous of savouring each other's presence.
In practice, love is all about caring for each other and sharing. There is so much to both of you. Make the most of each other's company during a weekend retreat. The key is to do things you love together. So visit the theatre. Or catch the latest flick. Whatever!
All it takes is to have an open mind, and to be ready to go with the flow. Reminiscing about the 'good old days (or nights)' will not get you anywhere. That was one phase of your relation, which has now given way to a new experience.
Work at it!
True - passion is a more spontaneous feeling. So when passion relinquishes the drivers' seat, you may feel that you have to work at 'feeling in love.' Is that a chore? As most partners work hard to earn a living in this modern age, working extra to 'feel in love' may seem like the last straw.
That is when couples start to lose it. And the 'why bother' syndrome is a dangerous prelude to drifting apart - a pity because love really goes nowhere. No one changes so fast, so drastically. S/he is the same wo/man you fell in love with. Love lives in you, waiting for you to be courageous enough to make the first move. Then, its magic takes over - once more.
Feel the love. Encore!
PS - Feeling like you're the one making all the 'adjustments' or the most effort? Next week, I'll return with more on respect, which should make you feel better!
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Charu Bahri
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