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Once Bitten? Don't Be Twice Shy!
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 Just broken up with a loved one? Take heart - for all the hurt you feel now, millions around the world have been in your shoes before, and lived through it to see better days.
If you think of it, what's a little hurt compared with the bliss that love bequeaths, while it lasts? When it comes to love, you'd better get used to the fact that sometimes, you give some pleasure, and get a dose of pain in return!
Just like Anita, who got seriously hurt after her break-up with Vikram. Fortunately, even as she agonized over her failed relation, her friends advised her to keep her chin up, and consider herself to be in a trough from where things could only get better!
Time, as they say, is a great healer, provided you give it an opportunity to work its wonder, by not falling prey to the most common, immediate reaction to pain - a lover scorned is won't to withdraw into a shell.
Keep your mind open
If it weren't for her best friend Shruti, Anita would have sat at home feeling sorry for herself. Ever the wiser, Shruti pointed out that bottling up pain would hinder rather than help her process of recovery. "If you mope around at home, you'll take much, much longer to get over this setback. There is no reason for you not to be yourself, and feel comfortable in the presence of friends you know and trust," she advised.
Also, it's a good idea to exorcise the past. Taking a leaf out of Kareena-Shahid's Jab We Met, burn and flush the past down the toilet or let loose a string of ma-bhen gaalis over the phone. It's guaranteed to make scorned lovers feel better!
Re-enter the social circuit
Having made Shruti her 'informal' shrink, Anita stepped out once again in her company. Shruti encouraged her. "Get a makeover!" she suggested. And you know what - Anita took her advice.
It sounds kind of corny, but Anita had wanted to change her hairstyle, yet had been putting it off because Vikram used to say he liked her 'just the way you are'. Well - so much for that!
Thanks to Shruti's hand-holding, Anita realized that no woman or man is an island in her / him-self - we're all social beings who need the support of our loved ones.
So she reckoned - it's perfectly okay to ask for and receive help. More importantly, as Anita no longer blamed herself for her failed relation, she accepted her changed circumstances more cheerfully.
It was a new improved Anita who, determined to get back into the groove, went all out to create new happy memories to set asides her sad moments. In her mind, she no longer tormented herself about what happened and what could've happened.
Forgive, and move on
The thing about break-ups is that in time, the bad in the relation sort of vanishes and you remember only the good. If you chose to go down the path of loneliness, you'll feel tortured all the more, because you'll soon reach a point of self-denial and pity, and feel that you shouldn't have let go of the relation.
This is danger zone. To avoid it, don't cry because it ended, but smile because it happened. This requires forgiveness, which comes from the understanding that it is not the individual who is at fault, but the circumstances.
Anita now quotes philosopher George Santayana who is known to have said - "Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it."
Applying this wisdom to personal relationships, she believes that every relation teaches us something about ourselves and our needs. After a failed relation, she cautions that you should be careful about linking up with the wrong person lest you make matters worse. In other words, plunging into the deep end again without changing anything will most likely bring the same results!
Instead, introspect and analyse yourself without getting drawn into a self blame-game, as Anita did. This, coupled with your friends' support will ensure that you sooner as opposed to later 'return to the arena of life!'
And yes, it is an arena worth returning to.
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Charu Bahri
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