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Read The Grey Between The Lines
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The Colours of Love - 8
No one is good or bad, it's your thinking that makes them so!
Growing up, is in many ways, a gradual process of discovery and realization. For instance, the awareness that people may not always be classified as black or white (read bad or good) - dawns on most youngsters as they mature. Every human character is instead, more likely to be a shade of grey.
If a young couple growing together becomes aware of each others character flaws, this realization could sometimes even be traumatic. What then?
Grey may be boring, but it is a fact of life!
Santosh and Rita were childhood sweethearts. That they would marry when they had both settled in their respective careers was a given. Their respective parents, who were best of friends, adopted the approach of humouring their children believing that they would accept whatever the outcome of their close friendship.
But as the twosome grew, cracks appeared in their relationship. It wasn't so much a case of he or she feeling drawn to someone else. But just the fact that they were two people with differing likes and dislikes gave rise to niggles that far from subsiding, grew in time.
The final blow occurred when Santosh and Rita entered different professional colleges, Rita in India while Santosh travelled overseas. Again, it wasn't so much the distance, but their failing to accept their different personalities that drove them apart.
It may 'look' vague, but grey lasts longer
Rita believed that Santosh had no right to insist on studying in a college abroad that was more expensive than his parents could afford. He justified his choice by pointing out that the major expense was being met by a bank study loan that he, not his parents would pay back.
But Rita's mind was closed to his reasoning. Genuinely fond of his parents, her Aunty and Uncle, she believed that Santosh had revealed his true colours - which smacked of being selfish, overly ambitious and insensitive to his family's needs!
Now if you're a mature reader, Rita's thinking will come across as over the top. But she was to realize this the hard way, as she parted with Santosh and then another and another... You see - her failing was that she dwelt far too much on every small difference between her and her long line of beaus!
If you ask Rita, she'll say that she read between the lines so as to save herself from future disappointment. But insofar as colouring your relationship grey is concerned, to read between the lines is to understand your partner's point of view. It also entails realizing that we all have our quirks and fancies, aspirations and ambitions - these are things to adjust to, not shy away from!
Colour your relationship grey
Rita finally learnt her lesson from her friend Sandhya. A South Indian and pure vegetarian, Sandhya fell in love with and married Ravish, a pucca non-veg. "How could you," asked Rita. "How will you manage at home? Will you cook meat for him?" - Her questions went on and on.
But Sandhya had seen a lot of good in Ravish and accepted his meat-eating as part of his North Indian upbringing. In other words, she was willing to adjust for the sake of love. Interestingly, two years down the line, Ravish turned veg! So much for adjusting - if you give love and understanding, you certainly win back respect and a return dose of adjustment!
It was after this incident that Rita realized her folly and fortunately, settled into a relationship.
How about you? How much grey have you infused into your relationship? Sprinkle some grey today and enjoy a lasting, harmonious partnership...
- Think about some aspect of your partner that you always crib about. Then make a conscious attempt to stop cribbing for a week! Extend the week to a fortnight, then a month and so on...
- Celebrate the colour grey - get yourselves a grey T-shirt or track suit! Wear these clothes knowing that there will be times when the going is hard, but if you bring in grey, things will seem easier.
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Charu Bahri
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