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Should one disclose the past after marriage?
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Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat
Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat is a professional Marriage & Family counselor with a practice based in Manhattan. She offers traditional methods of counseling as well as other creative counseling techniques for those who are not located nearby (i.e. telephone, email and instant messaging)
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Life as a widow
Sonia asks,
I am 48 years old and my children are 29 and 27 years respectively. My husband passed away in November 06. I don't want to remarry, as I love him very much. But as a single person, I feel lonely and need a true friend for the rest of my life. My society is very skeptical towards a widow. They avoid me. Sometimes I feel suicidal. Please help me.
Dear Sonia,
Go ahead and make friends. Socialise, travel, enjoy others company. Basically indulge in whatever that keeps you happy. It is about you and your happiness. Do not get into what others say or feel about your life.
Disclose your past
Rinkee asks,
Is it necessary to be completely honest and tell your to-be-husband about any relationship that you had in your past? Do you suggest such things to be disclosed after or before marriage?
Dear Rinkee,
It all depends on what baggage you are carrying and what you want to disclose. There is no blanket rule on the dos and dons. However, it is best to be honest especially if you think that it will help your relationship to be clean and clear of any suspicion or complications later. But it is absolutely a personal call. You are the best to judge the depth of honesty. Often people just tell each other,if they had any relationships and sort of understanding about the fact that they are looking to marry means that the past is over and a closed chapter. So good luck and make your call.
Age difference
Sabra asks,
I am in a fix. I am engaged to an Indian, who is much younger to me. I am 49 years old and he is 22. We had a relationship for over two years. When we met we never spoke about each other's age nor did we see each other's photos. We love each other. Last year I went to India to meet his family. We have been waiting for his US visa since 16 months. My question is, if I go to India to marry him, what cultural differences will I face in context of our age difference? Is this unheard of? If we have a civic private marriage will this really matter to his family and relatives? He is the only son and has a family to support. We both are Christians.
Dear Sabra,
It is not clear from your email, whether you and your fiancé are happy and would like to marry each other. Does he know how old are you? Did he say anything about his family's reaction to this relationship? If one has to go by stereotypes, of course the scenario is not the most conducive for the family to be elated, however, it all varies from case to case. What are your fiancé thoughts? How well is he holding fort? What are your thoughts? You have made a visit to India and have met his family, what do you think? How important is family and relatives for the two of you? Depending on what your priorities are, it is up to you guys to make the decision.
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