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Roadblocks in relationships
Travis asks,
When you are in a relationship, and your partner thinks that you have arguments about stupid stuff, and feels like you don't make a good couple and that she needs her space, then most likely she has someone else, right? What should I do in this situation?
Dear Travis,
No, not necessarily. Maybe it is exactly as she says it is, or maybe she is misperceiving it that way. Unless you have good reason to believe that she has met someone else, do not jump to that conclusion. Guys are brought up slightly differently than girls. Girls like to communicate, express their feelings, reach out to others - they tend to be pro-social. Guys on the other hand, may keep their feelings to themselves, retreat into a shell or some inner space when there's a problem, and tend to be more thing-oriented than people-oriented, at least in comparison with women.
Listen to her, not just her words. Go beyond her words. What is she trying to communicate to you? Is it true that the two of you engage in a lot of argumentation over what may seem like minor stuff? Ask for examples of what she means. When she says she needs her space what exactly does she mean? Is she asking for a suspension of meetings, or for fewer meetings? Or, is she trying to tell you that she is tired of argumentation and therefore needs to stay away? Sit with her and discuss these things at length. Let her define those behaviours that she wants to see more of in you, and those she wants to see less of. Find out why this relationship is experiencing roadblocks, and before you know it, things may get sorted out. If she is willing, why don't you two visit a counsellor, preferably a marriage counsellor so as to better define, and mend, what it is that ails this relationship.
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Dr. Laura Vaz
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