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Keep The Spark Alive
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Dr. Shefali Batra
Is a Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist and Counsellor. Her focus is on premarital counselling, she guides couples through compatibility checks with ratings, sex education, marital disharmony and adoption counselling. Visit her website: www.mindframes.co.in for more info. Have a question? Click here...
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According to some, romance comes naturally. Some relationships just seem 'perfect', some couples seem to be 'made for each other,' and some people seem to just 'have it in them to keep the fire burning'. Isn't it?
That's not true. To keep the fire burning, you have to add fuel to it; and at the same time prevent the wind from blowing it out. A good healthy fruitful relationship is often a target of envy for others who find their own relationship dull and boring.
The grass has always been greener on the other side from time immemorial, but one needs to look within oneself for detecting problems and seeking solutions. No relationship can stay alive without attempts to enliven the spark. A declining spark does not indicate that something is wrong. Relationships need a constant refueling. The refueling occurs with time, attention, a will to keep things fresh, and yearning to always reconnect when there is a disconnect.
Prolong the honeymoon period!
The initial excitement of being together is well understood as the 'honeymoon period' of any relationship. After this is over, partners tend to fall into a routine and begin taking each another for granted. They presume it is all right to forget birthdays, be late for a date, not look & smell as good as earlier; or spend more time away from their partner.
When people fail to show how much they care, the love and want for each other fades away. It takes few words, few deeds, and few events to make or break that belongingness. Take that extra step to make your partner feel wanted, loved and needed. It will reflect back on you.
Alter your vision
Your partner is not what he or she is. Your partner is what you view him/her as. There will always be someone out there who is more smart, better looking, richer and more interesting than your spouse; but you must look at your spouse's positive points to do all you can to grow deeper in love. That is how you will win back love.
When you first fell in love, you omitted ALL faults, even if people brought them into your view. After a while you begin to see ONLY faults even though you are aware of the virtues. You must learn to alter your vision for your relationship's good.
Give yourself away!
When you hold yourself back, you don't let your partner hold you. When you fear intimacy you obviously lengthen emotional distances. The traumatic irony of most relationships is not that people don't love each other; but it is that they don't let their partner love them; and then they complain about it. If you don't throw yourself in the ocean, the waves won't drift you away, and you will never feel the current. Hence it is imperative to let yourself loose and let your partner invade your depths and know & understand you, to love you better. You too will then be able to do the same. And the result? The relationship will nourish and grow!
Be realistic
It is only human to have expectations. And it is again only human to be let down when they're not fulfilled. The key to satisfaction in life, leave alone satisfaction in relationships; is to be realistic in one's expectations. Dreams are beautiful; but they may not essentially transform into reality. When you want something from your partner, step back and think- does my partner want this too? Try to take steps towards achieving your goals and desires by working with him/her in the same direction, rather than expecting it to get done while you sit and watch. Success comes to those who live in the real world.
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