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Understanding and amending relationships
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Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat
Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat is a professional Marriage & Family counselor with a practice based in Manhattan. She offers traditional methods of counseling as well as other creative counseling techniques for those who are not located nearby (i.e. telephone, email and instant messaging) Have a question? Click here...
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Love after divorce
Kelly Singh asks,
I am British and my husband is Indian. We are divorced now, but he still secretly adores me. He doesn't want his family to know about this. I never wanted a divorce. He is doing this just because I love him so much. We have three kids. Please help?
Dear Kelly,
What about your husband? Why doesn't he stand up for his wife and children? He needs to stand up and get his act together. If he does love his wife and children dearly, it is time that he works out the differences with his family and takes his stand.
I don't love my husband
Chandni asks,
I am 25 years old and married for the past 6 months. My husband is a very nice person and he loves me a lot. But I don't love him nor am I attracted towards him. I am helpless. I can't live with such a person, for whom I don't feel anything. I have never been in love nor do I love anyone now. I think we are totally different personalities. Please help.
Dear Chandni,
If you would like to work this relationship out, then I would suggest that both of you see a counsellor. This will help you both understand what is missing and how you can improve your relationship.
Life after marriage
Yasmin asks,
My marriage is 6 months old. We know each other for the past one year now. We decided to marry after one week of our meeting. During our courtship, we hardly faced any issues, except that I found him short tempered. I neglected that, as I knew he would apologise when he would find out the facts. But now I am disappointed with his behaviour. He gets skeptical for no reason and even criticises me. He doesn't like to shop nor does he wait around when we are shopping. He never pays for any of my expenses. He hardly goes out, but blames me for not being able to go out. He had a sad childhood and I think that has made him like this. I don't know if it is me who is being too demanding. I feel miserable and unhappy. Please help.
Dear Yasmin,
If you still have the spark of a newly wed, take some time out and plan something different over a weekend. During this time out, maybe you both can talk about your expectations from this marriage and about both of you. What are some of the basic responsibilities, how do you keep the excitement and happiness in the relationship, how can you both show that you love each other everyday, without actually saying it but by your actions. You could actually come out with a set of do's and don't for your relationship. This will help you both know when not to cross the line.
Communicate in a relationship
Teddy asks,
My wife and I have been married for 2 years and we are leading a good life. We are both working and earn almost an equal amount. But my wife doesn't share her salary with me. She expects me to look after all the expenses of the house (family) as well as her own expenses. I really don't have problems with it, but I think it would be just fair if she shares her income with me or at least takes care of some expenses. She just wants to invest all her salary in her name and not include me in the investment plans. What can I do? Please advice.
Dear Teddy,
It is time you have had "the talk" with your partner. It is hard to write for me on how this can be resolved without first having the talk to understand where she is coming from. What is her personality and nature? How is your relationship with her? Do you share a fun and confident relationship? If you do, then this talk is an easy one to understand why she is doing what she is doing. If you are unable to break the ice then I suggest you seek help through friends who you both are close to. If you prefer an outside intervention, talk to a counsellor.
Confused relationship
Lakshmi asks,
I am lost in my marriage. I am an Indian girl and have done my Masters from the US. I am currently working. My husband lied to me about his job before marriage. He is unemployed and hardly searches for a job. We are married for 1 year now but are like strangers. He hits me many times but again cares for me. I want to dissolve the marriage. But I really don't know if I am taking the right decision. I can't speak to my parents nor to my friends about this, I am completely lost.
Dear Lakshmi,
Contact the nearest women's cell (like Sakhi) office and seek help. Do not feel helpless and continue in this misery. Good luck.
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