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Present perfect
Simron asks,
I was in a serious relationship and was about to be engaged when the guy broke up and vanished suddenly. Later I found out that he thought I was not beautiful enough for him. It took me 3 years to get over this. Then I met a guy on-line and we both are in touch through phones and emails since last 10 months. We are emotionally attached to a certain extent and planning to meet in November. Further, if things are fine, we'll get engaged. Do you think I am heading towards one more heartbreak?
Dear Simron,
What happened in the past does not have to happen a second time. Be optimistic about this present relationship and give it your best shot. Sometimes when we doubt ourselves or expect the worst to happen, we may end up behaving in a way that actually brings about the bad outcome we had predicted and feared. And then we say: "See, it had to happen, I am jinxed." What we do not realise is that in our immense fear and anticipatory anxiety, we set ourselves up for things to work out badly, because we were too afraid to take the 'risk' of expecting good outcomes.
I do not at all think you are being foolish in your hopes for a good future with your friend. In fact, it is admirable that you have put the past behind and plunged into a new relationship. Just keep those fingers crossed and enjoy your interaction with your friend till November. This does not necessarily mean that the two of you have to go ahead in marriage. Get to know each other well so that you come to know if you meet each other's expectations, and feel ready and happy to tie the knot.
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Dr. Laura Vaz
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