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Break off contact
Teestha asks,
I met a guy officially for marriage through an acquaintance 3 months back. We got on really well. But his family didn't think we were meant for each other. We are still in touch with each other. He regrets it didn't work out and so do I. Last week he told me he was getting engaged. My family is not happy that I'm in touch with him. What should I do? Should I break all contact with him?
Dear Teestha,
I am inclined to agree with your family that you should not be continuing your friendship with this boy. The only reason the two of you met was to check out each other for marriage, resulting in the both of you wanting to go ahead. But when his parents objected, he went along with their opinion. You say, "He regrets that it didn't work out." But he lacked the courage, and/or the conviction to insist on marrying you. Subsequently, you two have been in touch, and he tells you everything as if he is your boyfriend, including that he is getting engaged. So aren't you setting yourself up for immense hurt by getting more deeply involved in a relationship, which does not hold the promise of a future that you wish for?
If you continue to meet him, you may later end up feeling used and rejected. Also, if you allow this emotional involvement to continue, it may become increasingly difficult for you to feel attracted to another boy. Even if you say 'yes' to someone in the arranged marriage setup, you may experience problems in developing the positive feelings essential for a happy marriage. It does seem to me like a good idea for you to completely break off with this boy.
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Dr. Laura Vaz
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