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Yehi Hai Right Choice!
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Dr. Shefali Batra
Is a Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist and Counsellor. Her focus is on premarital counselling, she guides couples through compatibility checks with ratings, sex education, marital disharmony and adoption counselling. Visit her website: www.mindframes.co.in for more info. Have a question? Click here...
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Easy to say that in an advertorial for a soft drink, but not so effortless to admit that it's what you feel about your life partner...
Isn't it?
We make choices in life all the time: about so many things. Homes, schools, colleges, jobs, clothes, shoes, a fridge, curtains or a sofa; or even a toothbrush! There are always options and we choose what we feel is the best. Needless to say, in material issues there is always scope for trial and error and we can change most decisions in our life without much of a cost (which is anyways usually financial). But the hitch comes in when we invest emotions, time and commitment; not in a commodity, but in a person.
What do you want?
Most people choose partners once, in some cases more than once in their adult lives. It is important to understand what you really want from that relationship; that itself forms the sole key that opens numerous locks and barriers to your happiness and contentment from that particular connect, with that particular person.
Are you really compatible?
The natural, scientific, physics perspective says that opposites attract; yes they do, but similarities also contribute tremendously to keep the couple together. Many flaws in one may complement the strengths of the other to make the dyad perfect, however basic compatibility norms must surely be considered before an emotional commitment.
Likeness in areas such as income level, education, religion, ethnicity, values and interests minimizes the possibility for conflict between partners and maximizes harmony. Major differences in any of these areas have a tendency to spell difficulty in the long run.
What's in your eyes?
It is important to make your standards human and not material. Yes, a handsome hunk or a pretty damsel seems like a very desirable option for marriage; so does a millionaire who has a large bank balance and a string of cars.
However there may be a number of concealed unpleasant and conceited qualities in beautiful damsels or handsome millionaires too. There's always a 50% chance of success or failure. You have to make the best choice to be in a win-win situation.
Ask yourself:
- What is important to me in this particular relationship?
- What really matters about my partner; how she dresses, how she carries herself, how she cooks or how she comforts me when I'm unwell?
- Is this the face I want to see when I wake up every morning?
- Do I see my unborn children in her eyes?
- Do I see us adjusting to each other's needs?
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