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Meet each other more than halfway: 60-60
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Two nights before her wedding, my best friend Hema, called in a bit of a panic. "Quick, can you give me some marriage tips? I'm getting a little nervous." When Hema relayed this conversation to me, I laughed, thinking, "Oh Gosh! Good luck!" Tips for a happy marriage can't be figured up in a few short sound bites. It takes lengthy conversations, oft-repeated mantras from overbearing relatives, and hundreds of columns (like this one) to explain just a bit of what marriage entails.
And even then, things might fall apart. As devoted as I am to the idea (and the reality) of marriage, I know the statistics of recent marriages have been a little scary. I also know three friends who left their marriages before they were 36 years old. I'm sure each one of them would agree that small pieces of advice - given in earnest or in jest - can do very little to repair a lousy relationship.
But I still believe in certain pearls of wisdom. On good days, they can reinforce already healthy habits; other days they steer us back on track. The gems collected below come from friends, friends-of-friends, relatives, and various other unnamed sources. Some advice even came from gushing self-help manuals - like the ones foisted on me by well-meaning folks who just weren't satisfied with presenting us with a set of dishes. With the right makeover, however, even these can be worthwhile.
The 60-60 rule. Meet each other more than halfway: 60-60.
Both wear green helmets. You are on the same team, not competitors. There's no need to raise voices or belittle. It may sound dorky, but we even made up our own team name.
Behave in the ring. It matters less what you fight about, but how you fight. Learn to disagree without battling.
Dirty toilets for all. There are no "his" and "her" jobs; no one is helping someone else. Since housework is a drag regardless, consider it a joint responsibility. If you can afford it, pay someone to do the chores you both absolutely hate.
No keeping tabs. Yes, Rahul refills the plastic ice trays a thousand times more often than I do, but if he constantly pointed it out, then I would have to tell him that just last week I picked up five hundred piles of paper and socks in the second bedroom. Ditch the scoreboard.
Don't sweat on the moolah. It doesn't matter who makes the most money. Salaries do not dictate who is the most valued in the relationship. Value, as we all know, is measured by who can score better in general knowledge.
Make time for each other. Lot of couples swear by their weekend late nights. Regular rituals, in whatever form they exist, remind you why you liked each other in the first place.
Give positive back up. Everybody loves to hear "I love you" or "Thank you" or "Of course, you still fit into your college Levi's." Never miss a chance to say something nice.
Have lots of comedy. Take your marriage seriously but don't take each other too seriously. Not every comment is a veiled insult or a jab at your intelligence quotient.
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