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Marriage Is Concrete Relationship
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Dr. Shefali Batra
Is a Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist and Counsellor. Her focus is on premarital counselling, she guides couples through compatibility checks with ratings, sex education, marital disharmony and adoption counselling. Visit her website: www.mindframes.co.in for more info.
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Search For Similarities
Ramesh asks,
I am 45, a married, well-settled person having two kids. My wife and I are completely different personalities very difficult to mange life but due to kids we have not taken any serious step. I feel very lonely and alone I badly need a good friend and companion for my healthy life. Can you tell me what should I do?
Dear Ramesh,
A spouse is ideally the best companion and it would be wonderful if you both could understand each other and be there for one another. However it seems that somewhere there is a disconnect between you and your wife. Successful marriages do not essentially entail like-mindedness and similarities in all regards. They involve a respect for the differences with positive communication to help and be there for one another. Try talking to your wife. May be she feels you are being ignorant and do not care for her just the way you are feeling. Try and reach out. Imagine that you are in love all over again and are trying to please your new partner. She will respond back in some way or the other. If positive, she will become your friend again; if negative, you can talk to her and tell her how you are feeling and how you wish something could be done about the present status of your relationship. All in all- do something about it. Don't just sit back and presume that something will suddenly change.
Be Assertive
Rana asks,
I am 39 yrs old professional female. I would love to get married and have kids. I was raised in a strict Muslim family. I have never really dated - may be 5 date my entire adult life - and have not had any introductions through family or friends. I have tried internet dating, but men I contact are not interested in me. I don't know if it is my looks or personality. Do you think this is all just bad luck, or, could there be something "off" about me that I'm not realizing? I am not gorgeous, but I am well-put together, well-groomed, wear makeup and work out to stay fit. I am shy but intelligent and nice. I feel like I have no idea now at this late age as to how to meet and ultimately marry a nice man.
Dear Rana,
Oh come on don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone on earth is not some Miss Universe yet we all possess our own virtues and shortcomings. We are a sum of it all put together. An intelligent mind, a kind heart, an honest soul; these are the positive qualities that make an individual desirable. A man who's after your looks is only being superficial and you ought not to doubt yourself on the basis of these factors. Believe in yourself, have faith. Everything happens when it's meant to happen. It is your duty to keep trying. As long as you don't give up hope it is all good. Browse through websites, meet people, spend time with friends and their friends. Find out about marriage bureaus, register yourself, and spread the word through family and friends. Yes I would agree age is not essentially on your side but keep faith. After all you are all you have! Be positive, sit back and relax, have an open mind and some day before you even realize it, you'll be single no more!
Marriage Is Bond
Pallavi asks,
I am a married woman it is just 4 months of our marriage but I don't feel love of my husband. He prefers to watch TV than talking to me, he never says "I love you", I feel like he is avoiding me every time. Is it normal?
Dear Pallavi,
I believe you are in an arranged marriage Pallavi. It takes time for two individuals to open up to each other. Marriage is at first a legal bond. Within it we need to create a physical bond, then an emotional then social and further on when you have children; a familial bond. Once these bonds are formed, they last for a lifetime. Be patient. Make an effort. Find out what he likes. Cook his favorite food for him, have a surprise candle light dinner in you're balcony when he comes home from work, buy two movie tickets and surprise him with an outing, dress well for him, look dashing so he is attracted towards you, look good, smell good…and above all…feel good. Be positive and full of energy. If you think he's not making an attempt to get close to you, stop and think; maybe he thinks you are being aloof and not opening up to him. If he is not taking a step, you take it. But just don't sit back. Do something and do it soon. He needs to feel loved and wanted. Once he knows that, he will go all out to give his love back to you. So you be smart enough and take the first step. It will work. It has to work!
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