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Is IQ Important In Relationships?
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Dr. Shefali Batra
Is a Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist and Counsellor. Her focus is on premarital counselling, she guides couples through compatibility checks with ratings, sex education, marital disharmony and adoption counselling. Visit her website: www.mindframes.co.in for more info.
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Physical Compatibility
Doron Gohari asks,
I read about your strong background related to sex and marriage. I am hoping that you might be able to help me out regarding the issue. I have a good friend who is dating a guy and he is really tall. My friend's height is about 5 feet and the guy who wants to marry her is about 6.2. Based on your knowledge do you think this difference would cause a problem in their future sex life?
Dear Doron Gohari,
Not at all Mr.Gohari. Yes, traditionally the idea of physical compatibility makes us feel that 14 inches height difference makes the couple incompatible; however, technically and scientifically, regarding sexual intercourse and lovemaking; there will be no issues in the case of your friend. Various different positions can be adopted for sexual intercourse, to make the experience satisfying and interesting. Hence do not be troubled. This will not influence their sex life negatively.
Emotional Bonding
Bobby asks,
I have been separated (not legally) from my wife and daughter for the past 10 months. I have not seen my daughter & wife since then. But I have not been able to get over it. For her the relationship is over but for me I want to give it a last try. She has been avoiding even the marriage counselors, which I had been suggesting for quite some time before the final blow, which came as a bang to me. Please suggest a way forward.
Dear Bobby,
Well Bobby it looks like there is a break in the emotionality from her side. It also certainly matters as to why you both decided to separate at all, 10 months ago. Surely there may have been some issue, which is still unresolved; that is precisely the reason why she does not wish to associate with you and has called off the relationship completely. Try taking help from family, friends, relatives; anyone who may be able to get you an opportunity to have at least some quality conversation with her so that you may give it your best shot. But at the same time, do keep in mind the issue, which led to your separation in the first place; and try taking measures to correct it.
Fading Relations
Chahat asks,
I'm into a relationship from the last two years. In the starting for three months he was just crazy about me but now all of sudden I feel he's changed. What should I do to make him like before?
Dear Chahat,
I do not wish to discourage or disappoint you; however it is essential to realize that unless you sustain the spark, the fire will never burn. It is essential to keep the spark alive in your relationship. Every relationship goes through the honeymoon period wherein everything seems pleasant and hunky-dory. After a while, boredom can seep into the most passionate and exciting relationships too. Change can sometimes be for the better. If you think he's changed, you transform yourself too. Get aware of his likes, his dreams, his desires; and make conscious attempts to fulfill them. Do the best you can to pamper him so he is left with no option than to become crazy like before and come running back to you.
IQ In Relationships
Anirban asks,
How much importance should one give to IQ/intelligence levels in a relationship? If I find a person to be a good human being, attractive but feel somewhat bored during a conversation and find I have to slow my thoughts down or am not being able to talk many things that I normally talk with other friends, how much a risk is that?
Dear Anirban,
In any relationship one needs to put in effort to make it work. Compatibility is certainly a very important aspect to consider and it works at all levels. At intellectual, physical, emotional, social and spiritual levels; one must be able to connect with the partner to make the relationship successful. Surely it's not easy to find someone like that; and these factors are built and inculcated with time and effort. In your case it seems that at an intellectual level you already feel a disconnect. Give it some more time; maybe he is just reserved so he's not opening up. Try talking to him, spend some quality time discussing things, views and opinions; to gain a better understanding and then make your decision. Don't be hasty; give things some more time to unfold.
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