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How to get out of the guilt trap
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Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat
Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat is a professional Marriage & Family counselor with a practice based in Manhattan. She offers traditional methods of counseling as well as other creative counseling techniques for those who are not located nearby (i.e. telephone, email and instant messaging)
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Abusive relationship
Dhana asks,
My cousin sister had a love marriage. They had good relations for few months but now they have serious problems. Now, her husband beats her and tortures her most of the time. She tells me all her problems and I don't know what to suggest. Please help.
Dear Dhana,
She must definitely seek professional help. It is absolutely not healthy to be in an abusive relationship. First, build or strengthen her existing support system (like, family or friends). One can work on the relationship, but first and foremost one needs to be in a safe environment.
Frustrated husband
Runjeet Singh asks,
I am married for the last 17 years to a dominating, abusive and suspicious woman. I have put up with hell for the sake of my daughter. She ignores her own family for the sake of her parents to whom she is deeply attached. My children are college going. I want to quit because I want to do things I have missed! Kindly advise.
Dear Runjeet Singh,
If you are seriously frustrated and have lived a void life all this while, then move on. Get out of the relationship and do things that will keep you healthy and happy!
Marital discord
Saira asks,
I got married last year after interacting with this guy over a matrimonial site. We both gelled really well during the interactions. Problem started after marriage. My husband, whom I had so much of faith that he would stand by me and be a fair person, never supports me when I have arguments with his mom. He is not at all willing to listen to anything I say about his mom. I cannot tolerate unfairness. I want to go in for a divorce as don't love him anymore. I 'm very much worried that tomorrow he would never ever support or stand by me anytime. Apart from that we both now seem to be totally different individuals with different tastes and likings. Please help.
Dear Saira,
Before deciding on ending the relationship, try to see if you have done everything that it takes to make it work. You need to rebuild your relationship with your husband by spending time with him. Spend some lone time with him and get to know each other personally better. Get closer and build each other's confidence and trust. Also, talk about your needs and support. Express your desire of what an ideal marriage should be like, find out how he feels about it, does he have similar thoughts like yours? How much does he value being in this relationship? In laws / parents / relatives can all be tackled if the couple is a team and truly understand and love each other. Rather than making the issue be that of his mother, make it about the two of you and how you want to improve the quality of your lives in the relationship. This will help the spouse feel more comfortable and willing to listen better.
Lonely trap
Neha asks,
I am a 38-year-old housewife with 2 kids. We are leading a happy marriage. My hubby is very busy with his business, so he hardly spends quality time with me. Sometimes I feel very lonely and bored. 2 months back I met a person in a chat room. He is also married and leading a happy life. We shared a very good friendship. But now we both can't stay away from each other though we are fully aware of our responsibilities and commitments. We never want to meet personally or disturb our family. We decided to continue our relationship on-line. But now I fear I am emotionally too attached to him. So I am feeling guilty. What should I do?
Dear Neha,
Disconnect yourself from the chat room. Especially if it is a "virtual high". To keep yourself truly off the guilt track, you need to make a sincere effort to move away from the cyber space. Also, seek some outside distractions and healthy hobbies. Spend time with friends and keep yourself away from a PC!
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Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat
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