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Does Your Intended Have Gamophobia?
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Dr. Shefali Batra
Is a Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist and Counsellor. Her focus is on premarital counselling, she guides couples through compatibility checks with ratings, sex education, marital disharmony and adoption counselling. Visit her website: www.mindframes.co.in for more info.
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Personality Disorder
Anonymous asks,
I married on 13th December 2008. Till date my husband has not touched me. As I had a problem on our honeymoon first night, he said that he lost the urge for sex. Now this 13th June 2009, six months will be completed. My husband is very polite in behavior in society but in private life his moods swings, as he has no sister and has two younger brothers and his father was an alcoholic who died two months prior to our marriage.
Should I believe him? I am sure that he is not having HIV but his personality test at Anand Nadkarni specialist psychologist revealed that he has personality problem. Can this affect our sexual life? Please guide me. I am disturbed and thinking of divorce.
Dear Anonymous,
Surely this is a very important issue and it must be quite traumatic for you in your situation. However, we need to understand what your husband is going through and what exactly is going on his mind. It is difficult to comment on his mental status or his frustration without a formal interview and discussion. However, if you say that he has been investigated and has been diagnosed with a personality problem, he surely needs to sort things out. It would be best to have a one-to-one consultation for me to judge his interaction with you and what his thoughts about sexuality are. Any personality problems, frustrations, depression can certainly influence sexual life and must be assessed so as to sort things out between the couple.
Gamophobia
Imran asks,
I am a Software Engineer by profession. I got engaged to my cousin on December 2008. She is a sweet girl, any man's dream. She always said that she had a marriage phobia. Suddenly in January she told me things are not working for her and me and she doesn't want to spoil my life. I convinced her that things would get better; she just needs more time. She always told me that I expect a lot from her. That I'm going too fast and she's left behind. But I'm hardly making any progress at all. People go like million times faster than this. I'm always like funny and casual, just like friends and do a bit of flirting that's all. But she finds that too much already. She also said that she wants to study 6 more years and then get married. That would be too late for us both. Even if I get married to someone else then what about her life? She will be too old for marriage. I'm 26 and she is 22. She is a dentist and has finished her BDS. She is adamant about her 6 yrs study and marriage only after that. We had mutually decided that we will get married after her internship in May 2010 and I will make her study her MDS. She was never into relationship before; I'm the first guy. She does have lots of guys as friends. She keeps telling me only one reason, she has marriage phobia. I heard its called Gamophobia. Can this be sorted?
Dear Imran,
It's very evident that you are extremely loving and caring. I understand that you care for her deeply but at this time I also see that she is struggling with her life and her career decisions. True, she can pursue MDS after her marriage too but it is fair if she says she is not ready at this moment. 22 is a young age and she may have a lot of other things on her mind.
We are not even considering whether she has another boyfriend or not, I am pretty sure she hasn't. However, instead of trying to be her fiancée or boyfriend, try being her friend, try to help her out in sorting her problems. If she needs professional help, try arranging that for her; she may do well with a little counseling and guidance from a professional.
As far as your engagement is concerned, you cannot and should not get married simply because you are engaged to each other. It is best to be ABSOLUTELY sure about your marriage decision because there should be no room for doubt in such a sacred relationship. So give her some time, ask her to speak to someone she trusts (a psychiatrist or counselor if possible) and wait and watch. Do not worry excessively. She is a mature adult who is capable of her own decisions. So try your best as much as you can, rest please leave to her.
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