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Dr. Vaz helps you dump emotional baggage
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Duped!
Janet asks,
I met a guy a year ago through a matrimonial site. We used to speak on the phone till last year and then due to some reasons stopped communicating for a while. However last month he contacted me and said that he likes me and wants to marry me. He asked me to come and meet him in US, but I couldn't leave due to my job. He said that he would make arrangements for my stay in US and for that I sent him $1000. However after he received the money he never called me again. I feel guilty of trusting a man and in the bargain have lost my money. Please help me.
Dear Janet,
I am amazed that you have trusted a man you have never met as to part with thousands of dollars. Did you do all this on your own or did someone guide you, say parents, in your family? It is quite possible that this man is not a genuine candidate on the matrimonial site, in which case you may not hear from him again. You might have been more hasty than wise in sending money to this person and that too, so much money. In the future be very careful not to 'fall in love' with someone you have never met, get your parents or other family members involved and remember that not every person who gets onto matrimonial sites will turn out to be a genuine individual in search of a life partner.
In love with a married woman
Sheikh asks,
I am a 29- year- old man working in a private company for the last 7 years. I have a colleague of a different nationality but of the same age married with two kids. Her husband had left her long back, but now he is back. The problem is I have started developing feelings for this lady but have decided to leave my job and go back home, as it will spoil our life. But one thing is sure she does not love me and treats me just as her friend. What should I do?
Dear Sheikh,
It must be tough for you to be in the predicament of having come to love the lady you have been helping and knowing at the same time that she does not love you but sees you as a friend. These things do happen and are not very easy to handle. So you will have to be really strong especially as you will be setting yourself up for tremendous amount of hurt if you do not 'pull out' of such a potentially emotionally devastating situation. Keep in mind that the friendship that you have with her is now no longer what it started out to be. At this point in time, you are vulnerable because of your feelings for her while she is not really so. In a manner of speaking, this friendship is an unequal one and you have more to lose if you should continue, assuming of course that she continues to have just friendly feelings toward you.
If you really wish to solve the problem, you would have to do your best not to encourage her to develop similar feelings for you. Avoid meeting her alone. Get involved in some hobbies, enrol in a course that you have long been interested in but never got round to doing, join a gym, make new friends, or if you already have good friends go out with them, meet interesting girls, and so on. Do not spend too much time alone, brooding or daydreaming about this lady. We human beings are capable of a lot more psychological strength than we suspect and here's an opportunity for you to discover your own.
He deeply cares for Indian culture but I still feel insecure
Jyoti asks,
I am engaged to a wonderful guy. He is very caring, sweet, funny and understanding. He is more out going than I am. Even though, I know he deeply cares for Indian culture, I still feel insecure maybe because I haven't gone out and enjoyed the nightlife myself. This issue creates some frustration and insecurity in my head even though he has explained to me that he will never do anything to hurt me. Please advice.
Dear Jyoti,
You have not specified what kind of 'night life' he enjoys. Is it partying, going to discos, pubs or restaurants? Or is it something else? Quite a number of teenagers and young adults in metropolitan cities have a nightlife in which they just hang out with friends or visit the above-mentioned places where they enjoy themselves in a healthy, decent way--no doing drugs or anything that's reflective of harmful self-indulgence.
However, some young people may not know their limits and spend way too much time on such activities to the detriment of their work, studies, sleep, etc. Talk to your friend and find out how he spends his time. Maybe you could accompany him on some of these nightlife jaunts and see for yourself whether you might get to enjoy these with time. Also, if he does not pursue such activities as a form of escape, then he is not likely to indulge in them excessively after marriage. On the other hand, if you are quite certain that you are not at all an outgoing person and would be unwilling, after marriage, to socialize or accompany him on outings, then you (or he) could end up feeling terribly frustrated due to lack of shared evenings of leisure. Hence if the two of you are definitely going to marry each other, you might need to change a bit and so might he. When partners vary on an important trait it often becomes necessary for both to meet each other halfway.
Please remember that it is not possible to find someone who is exactly like you, nor is it desirable. So, if he is this wonderful, caring and understanding person as you say, and you are willing and happy to change in the direction of becoming more sociable, why not go for it!
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Dr. Laura Vaz
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| | Elegant Hamper | Ladies Bag Pure leather | Official Gents Set | | | Rs.2,250 ($57.69) | Rs.1,450 ($37.18) | | Rs.1,999 ($51.26) | Rs.1,599 ($41.00) | Rs.897 ($23.00) | |
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