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Love check

XYZ asks,
I love this girl who had a past. I helped her get out of it by being there for her. I did a lot of things for her to get back her self-confidence. But she is a person who, if left to do her things, would forget me. She comes to me only at the end of the day when she is tired and wants to hear my voice. But now I've asked her for an answer of commitment and she wants a break. She says that she wants to be alone to give me the correct answer (not out of guilt but out of the true love). It's painful. But I agreed. Tell me how long should I wait?
Dear XYZ,

From what you say it appears that she is merely using you. If the only time she seems to want you is when she is tired and feels the need for a listening ear, and does not respond much to you at other times it may mean that she does not truly love you. Perhaps what keeps her in the relationship is just that you are available, you are in love with her, and your attention, help, and devotion are very enhancing to her self-esteem. In short, it is rewarding to have you around. When you asked her for a commitment, the fact that she said she wants a break from you and needs time to decide, tells us that she is not in love with you the way you are with her.

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The best thing to do is ask for a time frame - say three to six months - in which she makes her decision. If she does not agree to a time frame and / or does not give you a decision when the time is up, you would be justified in concluding that she is not interested in a committed relationship with you, and you should decently let her go. I understand the pain you will have to undergo, but it is important to take her words and behaviour at face value. Or else you will be setting yourself up for immense anguish should you come to know the truth in a more painful way - for example, if you discover that she has started dating someone else.

Dr. Laura Vaz
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