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How to put my relationship back on track?
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Baby pressure
Kristen asks,
I am 7 month's pregnant. We found this out after dating for only 3 months. We moved in together and started acting like a family soon after. We don't have sex, we don't talk, kiss or tell each other we love each other. But I do love him! How can I change this and make our relationship more of a relationship?
Dear Kristen,
Perhaps your boyfriend has been finding it difficult to cope with the situation. Since the two of you may not have expected (or desired) pregnancy so soon, it may have come as a surprise, leading to the decision to move in together - again, a situation that calls for a lot of changes and adjustments. Courting is a wonderful time when two individuals get to know each other without having the responsibilities that go with running a household. Maybe your boyfriend holds you responsible for not taking adequate precautions against pregnancy. It is also possible that he is ambivalent about the status and responsibilities of a father and is unhappy and / or cannot cope with having to function as a parent before he is ready for it.
The two of you need to discuss things over and examine your apprehensions about having a baby so soon in the relationship. When the baby arrives, there will be so many things to deal with. It is very important to work on your relationship and make it better. Talk to him. Discuss your feelings with him. Most importantly, consult a relationship expert, for example a marriage counsellor, who will guide the two of you as regards how you can put this relationship back on track.
Difficult to trust
Jena Struzzieri asks,
I am having trust issues with my boyfriend. We have been dating for 1 year and 3 months. But he has done a few things in the past that has made me think twice. I have confronted him about cheating but he tells me he could never cheat on me. He has an answer for everything. Once I found a text message he sent to a women writing "Are you mad at me baby?" But he told me the only reason he wrote it was because he was trying to sell her something and keep her as a client and he wouldn't do it again. Can you please advise me?
Dear Jena,
If your boyfriend is not very honest with you, if he is cheating on you, and if you find it difficult to trust him because of what he has done in the past, it does not make sense to continue with the relationship. Trust is the foundation stone of a good relationship. No friendship or marriage can survive long or happily without it. Maybe you need to re-think about your relationship. While we know that sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, the explanation he gives you for the SMS does not sound very plausible. When incidents like these happen often in the relationship, it does not augur too well for its future. Either you should consult a clinical psychologist - on the supposition that you may be an irrationally mistrusting and suspicious individual - or consult a marriage counsellor who will guide the both of you as regards your relationship.
If you are quite certain that your boyfriend is not being sincere with you but is hiding behind smart and evasive answers, it may be more prudent to quit this relationship than to continue with doubts, suspicions and anguish. Being in a relationship where you constantly question and doubt would result in long-term damage to your self-esteem. For instance, you would start disliking who you are or what you turn into when you are with him - questioning, spying, trying to 'catch him red-handed,' and generally doubting and mistrusting.
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