|
After You Say 'I Do'
|
Dr. Shefali Batra
Is a Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist and Counsellor. Her focus is on premarital counselling, she guides couples through compatibility checks with ratings, sex education, marital disharmony and adoption counselling. Visit her website: www.mindframes.co.in for more info. Have a question? Click here...
|
|
The focus in marriage today is largely on what happens before you say 'I do' - on the wedding and not enough on the marriage. Truly, no one enters a matrimony thinking that it won't last. Yet, divorce, a strong word, with religious, legal, emotional, familial and financial implications has become a frequent utterance and reality for a growing number of couples today.
A frequent thought that passes all minds is - 'Oh, he or she wasn't just right for me. There's still someone out there who's the one.' There are always reasons to rationalize, circumstances to blame, people to hold responsible, viewpoints to judge and arguments to censure. Yet, divorce has never been easy. The scarring is too deep, the pain too much and implications too far fetched.
Needless to say, when divorce is unavoidable; it is the only viable option.
What cannot be salvaged is better saved with any amount of amputation. However, the connotations are diverse. Legally, divorce demands a formal separation. Emotionally, divorce entails a break in the attachment between the couple. The financial divorce comprises of pre or post-nuptial agreements and alimony. The social divorce breaks the bond between friends and family. Finally, the familial divorce leads to a break in the family structure wherein siblings may be separated depending upon who gets custody; in either case the child loses a parent or a sibling.
Children are claimed to be most deeply affected by the parental split. At the same time, being in a situation wherein the atmosphere is forever tense and there are repeated conflicts in the household; is also not justifiable. The scenario needs to be handled delicately to ensure the best interests of the children.
There are obviously innumerable reasons as to why a couple may want to split. Lack of adequate communication, miscommunication, misunderstandings, over expectation, infidelity, financial problems, sexual problems, and emotional incompatibility form a few to name some.
Marriages are not made in heaven so divinity in a spouse is not a reality. Dreams are useful if steps are taken to transform them to reality. Merely dreaming does not help. It is important to introspect and understand the reasons as to why the marriage vows suddenly seem irrelevant, why escapism overrules a problem-solving attitude and why a break-up is the ONLY option.
All human beings are selfish and self-preserving. And everyone has expectations. When these are not met one feels let down, sad, dissatisfied and occasionally cheated. However, most things in life require sacrifice and compromise. It's always better to bend a little than to break. Relationships require trust and faith to ensure endurance and strength. A loss of trust and respect is the guaranteed reason for the downslide in any relationship.
Couples sometimes wonder what went wrong between them and their partner and fail to get an answer. Sometimes couples have known their partners for several years prior to marriage; but have decided to split within a year of tying the nuptial knot; realising that they never really 'knew' them!
No problem is difficult enough to solve as long as the drive to solve it is alive. Couples need to act responsibly, keep the spark alive (not the fireworks!), focus on the positives, minimize and shrink the negatives; and above all, introspect; to realize their limitations as individuals and overcome them. If a split is inevitable, it should be smooth, with everyone's best interests in mind. After all,
You only live once, try and make it fruitful this time around...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
| | Cuban Crunch | Lanvin for Men | Photo Pillowcover: Pink | | | Rs.1,795 ($37.29) | Rs.525 ($10.91) | | Rs.899 ($18.67) | Rs.1,705 ($35.42) | Rs.475 ($9.87) | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ask our Experts :
Personality Development, Immigration (US), Tarot, Hot Couture, Face Value, Matrimonial Laws, Infertility, Life, etc, Gender Wars, Shaping Up. |
|
 |
|
Furl it
Reddit
Readers comment
