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Why Do Women Want A Home & A Career?
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 Not so long ago, choosing between home and career was something that women, at least Indian women, didn't have to think about much. Married roles of the Indian husband and wife were well defined - the man worked and provided for his family, whereas the woman stayed at home and took care of her home and family.
Frankly, the scenario worked. As regressive as it sounds, the fact of the matter is that for a family to be successful and well adjusted, both partners must clearly define and then execute their roles.
So Why Must The Woman Stay At Home?
Cultural pressures aside, there is a biological logic to it. Prior to having kids, both husband and wife can be careerists and thrive. Work hard and play harder is a rule that DINKs (Double Income No Kids) swear by.
The problems actually arise when the kids arrive on the scene.
- Fact 1: The woman must go through pregnancy, delivery and post-natal recovery.
- Fact 2: A man cannot breast feed.
- Fact 3: Giving birth to a baby is a life altering experience and it WILL impact every aspect of your life - including your career.
Given the above three facts, it is obvious that like it or not, a woman would have to take close to 6 months of maternity leave to have a baby. Men on the other hand, don't need even a day's leave to become fathers.
Unjust? Unfair? Unacceptable?
Is It Really So Terrible?
Most career women may rail at the unfairness of it all. Why can't they become mothers without having to take a sabbatical?
But really... is that so terrible?
At least women have a choice.
A woman in today's world can CHOOSE whether she wants to be a homemaker or a careerist, a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, a super-mom who does it all or the super successful workingwoman who loves to play aunt but not mom.
Men honestly, have no choice. Once they become fathers not only are they lumped with the task of providing for their family but they also need to be involved in their children's upbringing, the household chores and everything else in between. Nobody asks a man - "Hey, you want to work or stay at home and take care of the kids?"
So What's The Problem?
The problem is that women want to have it all. Who doesn't?
We want to be careerists, wives, mothers, daughters, friends, homemakers, aunts, teachers, caretakers, seductive sirens and every other role imaginable.
Of course, as can be expected - No woman can possibly fulfil all roles at one time without failing at some of them.
So, a great careerist may be only a so-so homemaker and a super homemaker may be only a so-so mom. A great mom may be a super seductive siren but a lousy careerist. Once women accept that they cannot do it all and instead choose one or two roles to play, --- then they can really thrive and be happy with what they do.
The Author Is Female
Before all the women start ranting at me, I'll reassert this - I'm a woman, married, a mother and work too.
And yes, I have my days of wondering what the heck do I need to be working for? And yes, I have a mother-in-law. And yes, my daughter falls sick, hurts herself, has temper tantrums and is absolutely gorgeous and the light of my life - like every kid is. And yes, I'm a feminist.
But no, I don't intend to burn my bra and neither am I always beating up on my husband about how 'easy' men have it. I think women have the best of all worlds and its time we started enjoying it rather than complaining about it.
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Ruchi Agarwal
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