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Why do women marry for financial security?
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We may be in denial but it's the hard truth that many women enter into a loveless marriage simply because her husband earns enough. Why can't women educate themselves and find a job to be financially independent instead? And why are there many conservative families, which do not allow the wife to work?
I received an SMS from a friend of mine just a few minutes ago. "Interested in dis groom? 30 years, manager, earning 30 grand per month."
Sujata is a fresh graduate. Instead of looking for a job her parents are searching for a groom for her. She confides to her best friend, "My husband does not have to be very rich but he should have a plush apartment of his own and enough money so that we can go out and party. Having a Mercedes is not mandatory but he should have a Skoda or Accent."
Mansi has a fascination for grooms from IIT. Her current boyfriend, a graduate from IIT now earns more than Rs 5 lakhs per year. She recently met another eligible bachelor, also an alumnae from IIT who claims to earn more than Rs 12 lakhs per year. Mansi who is apparently very serious about her boyfriend says, "Had the guy who earned Rs 12 lakhs shown interest in me, I would have ditched my boyfriend."
These are not cooked up stories. Unfortunate but true, many women are seeking financial security and material comforts in a marriage rather than emotional compatibility and love.
Why do women want to marry for money?
Madhuri Raijada, Lecturer of Sociology at St.Xavier's College feels, "There are quite a few reasons why women marry for financial security. There are indeed many women in India who are not very educated and don't have a choice in who they are getting married to. In many communities, especially in business families, girls are married off at a very young age. So obviously their parents are looking for a groom who is affluent enough to support a family. Then there are women who are educated, can find themselves a high paid job but still want to marry rich because they are not willing to work. It does not matter to them if the groom is much older or bad looking as long as he is earning considerably well."
Yohan, a stockbroker feels, "In a patriarchal society like India where the man tends to be the main income earner in the family it is the norm for a woman to marry for the sake of financial security and convenience. Even now in the West a financially independent woman is seen as a major source of competition and makes a man feel insecure. This is especially so in India for a woman who is on her own as it tends to be a financial struggle, unless she is from a well off family. I guess that's the main reason why women want financial security. It's difficult to change such a mindset since love cannot survive on air and water but facing up to the hard realities of life."
Adds Ritu Khanna, Consultant Psychologist, "Financial security is an important attribute of a healthy and secure marriage. But marrying solely for this reason reflects a bias in thinking wherein money is equated with happiness. Women who have lived under a financial crunch for most of their past lives assume that money will bring them an easier and happier life. Women coming from affluent families like to have the money to maintain the lifestyles that they are used to. The only change required here is one in perspective where women need to look at the larger picture than the rudimentary one where money = happiness. Women's education and their choice to work will bring them financial independence which has many advantages."
Why do men often want non-working wives?
Viewing the other side of the coin there are men who don't want working wives at all and would like their wives to be economically dependent on them, Aanchal Shetty, Senior Image Executive of a PR company says, "Men know what women are capable of and hence want to keep them in the shadows for fear of being upstaged. This is mainly due to their male ego which has been boosted from childhood and which has been conditioned to think that they are the masters and that women are after all the weaker sex.
After all how many men would proudly flaunt their wives' designation or pay package or be a part of the business where she is the boss? The other reason could be that some men might be from dysfunctional families or in situations where they have been deprived of their mother's attention due to other priorities. Such men do not like to repeat the same scenario for their own children. Right from childhood what we learn is that mother is the centre of her children's world and that father is only the provider. Children who have working parents are often the victims of sympathy by relatives who rub salt over the fact that a particular child's mother has no time for him/her. So these children grow up with mixed views about working women."
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