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With or without you
How to deal with unrequited love
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partying or short-term rebound relationships, the best way would be to face the situation and assess its full impact on ourselves. One can spend some time in silence, and watch the waves of sadness as they build up inside us. Allow them to crash against us, and feel them ebb away. One can remind oneself that if one really loves this other person, as we believe we do, wouldn't we want them to be happy, even if their happiness lies in not being with us? I think if one truly loves someone, one is not dependent on the other's response, and even if one's love is not returned in kind, one can wish the other person well with all of one's heart and move on with one's life. Freeing ourselves, and making our love a positive force in itself, will free us of the burden of unrequited love."
Limerence
According to sociologist Madhuri Raijada, most cases of unrequited love are simply infatuation. "One-sided love according to me is a crush, though love is a very relative term. People who can't get over unrequited love are usually those who have made love their be-all and end-all in life and have made the beloved an obsession." Indeed, the state of being in unrequited love has often been described as limerence rather than love. Love (in most of its connotations) involves concern for the beloved's welfare and feelings, with little or no expectation of gain in return. In contrast, limerence demands reciprocation and is characterised as 'passionate love gone wild and a state of cognitive obsession'".
Even a trivial utterance or behaviour on the part of the limerent object is misconstrued as a sign of love, which keeps the hope of reciprocation alive resulting in feelings of euphoria, which inevitably turn to despair and misery when facing neglect. The word limerence was coined by Dorothy Tennov, a professor of psychology at the University of Bridgeport, Connecticut, around 1977. Her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, published in 1979, became a best seller. The word 'limerence' is not found in current dictionaries, but is nevertheless in use by psychologists while discussing romantic relationships.
The release
Actor Anuuj Saawhney says, "I have never been in a situation in which I had to face unrequited love so may be I can't empathise with people who have faced this, but my character in my forthcoming release Chingari, is someone who faces this because he loves someone but doesn't get her love. People who go through a time like this may try to harm themselves as well as the person they love. They may get into a state in which they don't care about the repercussions of their actions anymore, stop believing in God and destiny, or curse themselves and God for the situation they are in. No amount of solace or understanding may ever seem get them into their senses. I think that the best way to deal with unrequited love is realising that it's not up to one to bring about anything undesirable upon oneself or the other person, but leave the situation up to God."
All you need is love
If denied love, a person should be hopeful that requited love will come to them too and be able to wait patiently till then. Or maybe it'll be nice to embrace the bountiful love in the world than searching for love in a person.
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Pallavi Bhattacharya
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