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What men want women to be...
Confusion rules
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Though many a poet have pondered over the intricacies of the Eve psychology, the Adam mind is not as crystal clear as it seems to be. "A man feels he's won, or conquered a woman, when she eats out of the palm of his hand. At which point, he begins to get bored," writes Sherry Argov in her book Why Men Love Bitches.
Just as being too nice, too willing to bend over to accommodate and please a man does not bring you the love and attention you crave from a man, similarly if you are bold and smart enough to be independent, he will be apprehensive. Sherry Argov best describes this duality as, "when you act too much like Tarzan, he feels too much like Jane." So don't even kill a bug when he's around, don't change a tire, and don't even change a light bulb, she advices humorously.
Now even when both men and women are going out to earn a buck for the family, men want to feel like the big boss around. So when women starts wearing the pants, he feels jittery and insecure. In general, men like outgoing women at the first encounter as they find easier to gel with them and can associate with them more at the very first go. But if he has long term relationship in his mind a conventional man would think twice. So will they choose an outgoing girl for a girlfriend but not as a wife?
According to Dr. Laura Vaz, a clinical psychologist, "most men suffer from Madonna vs. Prostitute complex as defined by Freud. They would love to enjoy women who are extrovert and bold as their girl friends but they become very choosy when getting married and always prefer docile and more traditional women. Some men even feel that a thinking woman would never be able to fit into a family and lead a happy married life!"
Karan Razdan, director, speaks out his mind openly. "A man loves a shy girl in public and an out going girl in private (laughs). Both the sides of woman are enchanting. Most often when a girl is shy at the first meeting she charms more with her demure and shy behaviour. A bold behaviour in the very first meet may intimidate the man. But slowly as they come to know each other better and fall in love, she can shed off her inhibitions and become more open and outgoing. I think that's what makes her man tied to her for ever. Little surprises in a relationship are always welcome. They keep the essence of romance fresh forever. I have known some women who have both aspects of their personality. The shyness should not be a hindrance in creating a mental distance between lovers. If it extends only to point of not going to pubs or discs then it is okay as there are other romantic options like a candle light dinner or a walk by the beach side," he says.
Again there are some men who feel that wooing a partner is exclusively their domain. Jeet Mody, a fresh graduate, says, "I prefer shy girls as they have an aura of maturity and mystery around them. It has nothing to do with male chauvinistic ego or that they scare me off, it is just an instinct. I don't like outgoing girls because I feel they try too hard to impress others, which actually they do not need to. I personally believe that there are always 2 boys made for each girl...they do not need to try that hard. Guys will notice them automatically."
However, a marked changed is visible in the society today as compared to 5 years back. "Today some men like bold women who shows interest, can carry on a little flirting and can take initiative in building a relationship as it takes off their burden. This is also slowly being accepted in our culture," says Dr Vaz.
Manish Munot seconds this opinion. "Nowadays men like women who are smart and intelligent. My wife Shaina is more popular than me but that is perfectly fine for me as we both work hard and try to do our best in respective fields. I strongly feel that everyone has a right to pursue their dreams. I definitely like career women who are independent, confident, and competent enough to handle any situation alone."
Beauty with brains make a deadly combination and it is irresistible. But only men who are secure, self confident and devoid of unnecessary ego can be happy with such women. Perizaad Zohrabian, actor, agrees to this. She says, "Down the ages woman has been portrayed as a shy, coy and lady-like and that is what men have in their minds when they meet any women. So very few men can handle an outspoken, smart and ultra-women. They need to be confident and secure to handle a super woman. Moreover I think opposite poles attract each other. For eg, in my case, my boy friend Boman is very quiet and reserved type of guy as opposite to my personality. But he loves me for the person I am. I don't think I would have fallen for a guy who is crazy as me. As such there are no formula in love. Even the most outgoing of girls would feel a butterfly in their stomach when they fall in love and would be shy and nervous. Only the degree of nervousness or shyness would vary. I think an extreme of either one is not good. You need a balance in relationship. As long as you complement each other and love each other, these things do not come in the way."
So what do you feel men want women to be? Please pen in your thoughts and opinions in this open forum.
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Amrita Biswas
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