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7 Tips To Deal With An Old-fashioned Hubby
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 Change your husband to your advantage!
Ask any woman who has come up, time and again, against her conservative husband how exasperating it is to live with someone who in some way or the other lives in medieval times! But the thing is many a man's true colours only surface after you've tied the knot. Or sometimes, a marriage is entered into in haste, after which a wife discovers just how prehistoric her husband's thinking is!
Take Leena - she believed her life would be bliss if it weren't for her husband Mohit's old-fashioned beliefs. Her grouse was so basic it made some of her friends with forward-thinking husbands laugh. You see, Mohit didn't allow Leena to wear jeans and T-shirts after they were married.
As Mohit's nature was otherwise great, Leena initially ignored this detail. But with time, she began to fret! It reached a point when she determined she'd wear what she wanted whenever Mohit was away on business tours. Then fortunately, a friend proffered her some sound advice - ''Don't cheat by doing something in his absence, Leena. Instead work on him. Change his thinking.''
''But how,'' lamented Leena. Here's the advice she got and how other wives in her situation coped with the same issue:
- Attack his motive: Think carefully about why your husband is old-fashioned? If like Mohit he is insecure about your relationship, keep your battle on hold for sometime and work to strengthen your twosome. Once he is secure, you'll find he'll open up to new ideas. In Leena's case, her efforts to 'make a show' of her love for Mohit worked wonders. Once in his comfort zone, he was ready to accept her gift of jeans and similar T-shirts for both of them to wear "together, together," as she said. It started off like that, somewhat sneakily, but soon, she'd wear her beloved jeans while he donned his favourite cargos, and he didn't mind!
- Compromise: Yes, this is the one with the big 'C'! Give some, get some - that's the key to marital success. Malvika and her husband have agreed to disagree on many issues, yet their marriage rocks. The reason is that they compromise. Her husband is old-fashioned, but Malvika has maturely realized that she has quirks too. So they've realized that if he gives in on one aspect, she has to agree to other things.
- Have your 'objectionable' ideas vetted / praised by a third party: When Neeta wanted to expand her business to a nearby city, her husband Shailesh adamantly put his foot down! He cited a reason that was absolutely irrelevant or more specifically, that there was not being enough demand for the product inspite of the fact that Neeta had conducted an extensive market survey that suggested the business would do well. In truth, Neeta knew perfectly well that Shailesh was caught up in a wave of possessiveness. He just didn't want his wife to travel and meet people.
So Neeta cleverly presented him a dossier based on her market research, but put together by his business analyst friend Rajesh. Moreover, she had his friend and his wife over for dinner. When the talk veered round to her plans, Rajesh praised Neeta's thorough research and planning. Let's just say that Shailesh was left speechless - there was nothing else for him to do but encourage his wife to 'go for it'!
- Show him what the world is upto: Conservative people are often not in sync with modern trends, even the simplest of fashions and styles. If your husband's old-fashioned approach stems from thinking that what was 'in' a decade ago is in vogue today, do him a favour!
Open his eyes, by gently exposing him to prevailing trends. Examples work well to change someone's attitude. But speaking of useful examples, say if the 'issue' is clothes, don't show your husband Vogue or another up-market fashion magazine and say, that's the kind of clothes I want to wear! The trick is to work on him gently, so start by picking a magazine that flaunts more 'wearable' day and nightwear.
- Rationalize: Some old-fashioned thinking is rooted in irrational beliefs, which you should definitely not tolerate. Still, don't argue or bicker. Instead, rationalize to make your views heard. Listen carefully when you converse. Most likely, your husband will beat around the bush when defending his old-fashioned thinking. Your aim should be to keep asking questions to get him to admit to his irrational beliefs, and accept that his thinking is illogical.
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