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Can you be in love with more than one person?
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Indian Vs International culture
In contrast many societies and different cultures of the world find it the norm from France where the idea of a mistress is considered not out of the ordinary to the Middle-East and some far Eastern Cultures relationships are treated either with more liberalism or conversely with more religious attention such as in the Middle-East where men are entitled to keep up to four wives.
Here in Mumbai, I approached a gentle grandmother in her eighties (name withheld) who didn't concur with the idea of being able to love more than one person. "In our time we learned to fall in love with our husbands and that relationship was permanent. There was no question of finding another person to love." When I suggested that there are so many stories of great love from that era she objected, " Yes there were men who had other women, and there were men who really loved their wives, but there weren't that many women who would be involved with another man."
Dr. Bhatia agrees, "In India due to the history of pressure from society which is mainly dictated by cultural norms and values women feel more inhibited to entering into a second relationship at the physical level.
 But recently with the more modern outlook friendships, and emotions are always there even if the relationship is not sexual."
Yes, it is possible
Gautam Gupta, professional etiquette trainer and author of the First Four Seconds disagrees, " I think the seriousness of love should not be overlooked and this should be discussed with a level of maturity. Love exists at the emotional, physical, platonic, reciprocal and non-reciprocal level so it is but natural to be able to have these feelings for more than one individual."
Asha Hariharan, businesswoman and salon owner, takes this thought one step further, "I think especially for women to be able to love she must be striving to reach an optimum capacity of talents and be comfortable with her sexuality.  This boils down to her level of self-esteem and her talent to realize her complete person." Both Hariharan and her husband have friends who agree it is possible for both sexes to be able to love more than one person but both also agree that in a marriage if you have a strong understanding and foundation there is no need for another emotional anchor. This brings us back to the idea of self-esteem first introduced by Hariharan, " To become a complete person you must hold on to yourself so you are a pleasure to be with and love. Someone lovable is able to love," she concludes.
Would it be reasonable to suggest that for the well-adjusted, balanced individual the depth of love is fathomless?
"Yes and no," says Naresh Dudani, co-owner of his own website and video store. In his late twenties Dudani believes, " love and relationship as an extension of human characteristics translate into feelings.  Sometimes you can express these feelings and other times you may not be able too but that doesn't lessen its worth or value. But that doesn't mean that it's always there. I don't think you can plan when these feeling actually take place, and sometimes they may not last more than a few months."
Which brings us back to the original question? So can you love more than one person at the same time? Dudani says, "Why not? I have enough depth to love many people, but at this moment I just love my wife." Then I turn to the gentle grandmother who shakes her head and strongly opposes the suggestion. "No, one love and that's it."
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Rohini Bhatia-Singh
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