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Can infatuation turn to love?
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Often the result of a passing fancy or a physical attraction that does not last, infatuation in some rare cases does blossom into true and lasting love.
Most people, regardless of their age, are well acquainted with Cupid - the God of love in Roman mythology. The ancient Romans depicted Cupid as a winged infant carrying a bow and a quiver full of arrows. Indeed, Cupid was the muse of many artistes. Roman poet Ovid sung highly of Cupid in many of his poems, especially in the Amores and the Art of Love. Cupid is one of the most famous mythical character, figuring prominently in poetry, literature and art.
Contrast Cupid with the inconspicuous Ate - the Goddess of infatuation, obsession and seemingly irrational impulses. Famous for luring people into impulsive indiscretions. Ate was such a menace, that her father Zeus exiled her from Olympus. Thereafter she wandered the Earth, causing much mischief and misery whenever she went. If you ever had a senseless crush on a total jerk, blame it on Ate!
Basic instinct
Nevertheless, infatuation is a very natural human instinct, so it's no use reprimanding yourself for occasional lapses; however, it is necessary to handle this syndrome with caution. Says psychiatrist Dr.Dayal Mirchandani, "Even 80 year-olds have crushes on young people or on people of their own age. That's because humans are biologically programmed for attraction, that at times proves injurious, if not fatal." Agrees Ritu Khanna, Consultant Psychologist of Apollo Clinic in New Delhi, "We can get infatuated any time and, technically, we can't set limits to how many times a person can get infatuated. And it can well happen to those who may already be in a committed relationship." In other words, never underestimate Cupid!
Infatuation has been defined as 'a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant short-lived passion or attraction'. Many of us are simply in love with the idea of 'infatuation', without realising we are just 'being fools for love'. You can get infatuated with a person simply because you like his voice or the way he runs his hand through his hair. The second phase of infatuation is 'intrusive thinking', when you start reliving every moment you have spent with this person. Before long, idealisation sets in. Almost simultaneously you agonise about losing this person, your feelings for him go through a roller coaster ride: precious moments of delightful reciprocity (real or imagined) followed by agonising doubts of ultimate success. Research shows that an amphetamine-like substance gets rapidly activated when we feel attracted to someone.
The chemistry of infatuation
The cause of infatuation is a chemical called phenylethylamine (PEA), that famous substance that makes laboratory rats press levers until they drop dead from exhaustion. Love, unlike infatuation, is not marked by insecurity. Love is patient, understanding and mature. Psycho-astrologer Badal Suchak says, "If Venus, the planet of love is influenced by Neptune, the planet that deals with imagination and delusions, the chances of infatuation are high.
That's because such a planetary conjunction disorients a 'lover' from ground realities and sets him adrift on a sea of romantic illusions. Such a person tends to project onto the other person the qualities desired, rather than seeing the person as she really is. It is almost like being intoxicated. Also, in general, Pisceans tend to get infatuated easily."
Varying viewpoints
According to film director Pankaj Parashar, "It's best to enjoy an infatuation till it lasts because it is mostly innocent and harmless. We have infatuations galore in poems, music and movies. An infatuation can sour quickly or stay forever, mostly as a fond memory of what might have been."
Cartoonist Hemant Morparia feels, "Crushes have a lot to do with 'perception'. Such perceptions are either real or, more commonly, imagined. There is magnification of the positive qualities and a minimising of the negative ones.
 You know you have a crush when others around you wonder out loud, 'God only knows what she sees in him!' Infatuation is an emotional state of intense desire for the other, not necessarily for just sex! I think infatuation is essentially a projection phenomenon, where our own deficiencies or needs are projected on to the other and magnified. "The other" is then idolised and put on a pedestal. Soon reality rears its head and it all comes crumbling down. Infatuation often sours because the hormones take their own course, and our system has its own inbuilt self-defence mechanism. Here is one "sure cure" for the stricken - imagine the object of your infatuation waking up in the morning, disheveled, puffy and bleary-eyed - sure to be a real eye-opener!"
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