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House husbands
Men opt out of boardrooms and into the kitchen
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Hollywood's been doing it for awhile with famous box office movies such as Mr. Mom and Mrs. Doubtfire catching the interest of men and women alike. That is to say where men take the role of a stay at home mother and let the woman bring in the bread. Yet although the trend is gaining popularity it still wouldn't be considered the norm in Middle America, Europe or the rest of the world. In India this is still a relatively new concept, but one worthy of discussion.
For generations, both, the male and female genders, have been straight jacketed in roles supposed to suit their orientations. This was true until these roles actualized into their definitions, and worse, even identities. Post-Feminist Movement of the 60's one has seen the female trying to break out of the traditional role of a woman and trying to redefine her identity. Much has been made of the changing roles of women in that context. There is also a small ripple , in the male domain, as far as male roles are concerned as greater emphasis is placed on equality as a nullification of gender-bound role-playing and the issues of status attached to it.
Thus, we find men coming forward to accept roles that were traditionally held by women without any qualms of lessening their "masculinity". The concept of house husbands may not have become a trend in India yet, but the phenomena is slowly beginning to be seen as non-taboo nor is it closeted anymore.
Take the case of Venkateshwar Pandit from Lucknow. An ex-oil engineer by profession, Venkateshwar, chose to tread the "path less traveled" for reasons of economy. Today he is not only a successful father (of a teenager), but also unashamed of the stand he decided to take, in order, to keep his family together. And yes, the man is more than willing to share his experiences with others. He says, "It was not a spontaneous decision."
Cost effectiveness
When I quit my job, three years back, we were struggling to make ends meet with very little money. My wife took up a small job but her salary was barely enough to sustain three lives. To save money, I started doing things which my maid or my wife were doing till now. I got very good at it. I started making really good food. Today, I enjoy doing these things and taking care of my daughter." His daughter is the apple of his eye and he loves to make her laugh.
Interests vs career
Circumstances dictated a choice to Venkateshwar and he faced the situation head on without letting trivialities of gender issues come in. A heartening sign of changing times in itself. But what is surprising is that young men, today, are willing to take up house-keeping by choice and bread-winning is no longer an issue of "masculinity" for them. Mukesh Ghatiya, a 25 yr old software professional from Bangalore, says it's his wish to become a house husband. "I wish to go for this mainly because I don't enjoy my work. I want to do things which I like e.g. theatre, social work, debates, reading etc. I am not keen on doing household work either though, but I am fine with taking care of the house. And for me there is no ego issue of who is the earning partner. I just want my interests to be fulfilled."
True lines of gender divides are blurring steadily but it's not a sweeping or notable change. Social acceptability is still a sanction that stands like these will not get easily. Says Venkateshwar, "I get a lot of nasty remarks from a lot of people, which doesn't make it easy. It's very difficult this role reversal from the point of view of the society." Mukesh agrees with him. In the event that he decides to opt for being a house husband he is sure his family would not react positively to it.
Domestic dads
Revathi Nair, a twenty-six year-old lecturer, whose father is a house husband and whose mother is the earning member of the family, talks about social acceptability of such a situation. In a candid confession she says, "As an adolescent, when I discovered social customs, I was a bit uncomfortable answering questions about what my father worked as and gave evasive answers or said that he had retired. I grew out of that phase soon enough and as an adult now it really doesn't matter."
Parents and society notwithstanding, the impact it might or might not have on children of such a couple is worth examining. To a large extent, it may be concluded, it is the parenting ability of the parent that shapes the maturity of the child. Says Vincent Sunder, a forty-eight year-old CEO of a financial BPO, who opines, "It is quite possible that the child will have additional challenges to face, but my view is that any strong individual can only come out stronger facing adverse circumstances." Responds Revathi, "Right from my formative years I grew up seeing my father play my mother's role and vice versa and except for a few teen angst years I haven't ever considered my family any different from other families." In addition to that, a balance, in her world view, of gender and gender roles is evident. "I have always perceived home based roles to be irrespective of gender. And when people talk about how the males in the home can't cook or how women praise their husband because once in a blue moon he thought of doing some 'womanly' chore, I find it downright silly."
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