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Stop Snooping! I've Got Nothing To Hide
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He wouldn't prod her then, but again subtly, when she was least expecting it. He'd ask her if her friends had called her from Mumbai. Or whether she had called them? Did she miss anyone in special? His questions always meandered... but slowly, Reena got the drift... and she didn't like the situation at all. It felt weird, and just thinking of his furtive measures wore her out.
Reassure and then insist on a lay off
Reena spoke to a professional counselor, as she didn't have close friends in Delhi and didn't want to upset her parents.
Here's the advice she got.
- Do not ignore Rajesh's behavior thinking it'll improve with time. Left unchecked, his habits will crystallize and grow into something worse. His habits stem from not trusting you, and that is not an ideal situation. Today it is checking your cell - tomorrow he'll want to monitor your mail. You need to stop that now.
- You also need to bring the issue into the open. But gentle, as he is likely to turn defensive and say he didn't do or mean anything wrong or harmful.
- Rajesh needs to be told that his furtive peeks will not get him anywhere, and neither will they do your twosome any good. Clearly say that you have nothing untoward going on. Why should you, as you are happy in your current situation?
- The trick is to reassure him and then insist that he lay off your mobile. In fact, the counselor proposed that Reena convince him by playing a 'reassuring' game for 3 days and no more. Every evening, she should allow him to choose and directly ask her about any one number on her call list. She should then actually call the number with the speakerphone on, and converse with the called person.
This worked out to be quite embarrassing for Reena, as two of the numbers he picked were her agency's clients. But she just referred to a tiny detail that had been unspoken about during the day, and said she wanted to be sure things were done to the clients liking. In this clever fashion, she turned the situation to her advantage! After the call was over, as instructed by the counselor, she would enable the password protected option of her phone. Rajesh didn't have the password so he couldn't snoop any further.
Reena has been able to change Rajesh's behaviour somewhat over the last one month, but she'd still be grateful for any tips you have. If you've been through a similar situation, or have another novel means to suggest, please do! Reena would welcome more feedback to tide over this crisis and strengthen her marriage.
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Charu Bahri
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