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Divide and rule
Lawyers & counsellors delve into divorce
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Incompatible attitude - The rapid change in lifestyle and financial independence of both the partners has added fuel to the ego war. "Marriage is about adjustments and mutual understandings but there is a serious lack of values in the current generation," says relationship counsellor Dr Tushar Guha. Most young couples are impatient and hasty. They are not even ready to give time to their relationships to grow. Surprisingly, today couples end up before the divorce lawyer not only due to incompatibility of nature and attitude but also sexual incompatibility.
Assertiveness about one's own identity and sexuality is also on a high and often the Indian male psyche is not prepared for this. "Many young boys think that sexuality is the prerogative of the man. It should be the way a man wants it. So, many of the women are prepared to walk out from a two or three months' marriage," adds Dr Guha.
- Married to jobs - The cost of living in the metropolis has now begun to show its colour in our home too. Most families in the metropolis are nuclear and double income groups who spend 12 hours or more in their office. Often this strain of balancing office and family begins to pull the couple in opposite directions. Again, sometimes the couples are bound to live separately because of distant work places.
Marriage counsellor Savio D' Silva points out that work place romance has become very common now a days and it is more so among married men and women. As people spend the entire day at work they lose touch with their spouse and find a new soul mate in their colleagues. "These flings have become very common and I come across many such cases," says Mr D' Silva. "Again in some cases it is found that if a wife has a male boss and if they share a good term, the husband feels jealous, while the wife feels jealous if a husband is friendly with a female junior," he continues. "Ego problems crop up when the wife earns equal or more than the husband. And these regular tiffs at home adds to the pressure and leads to divorce at times," adds Mr D' Silva.
However, whatever may be the situation, it would be worth a try if you are ready to give one last chance to the relationship, agrees our panel of lawyers and marriage counsellors. Go down the memory lane and reflect why you had decided to spend the rest of your lives together with each other. You would definitely be able to see a ray of light at the end of the dark tunnel.
Our experts suggest 5 tips to avoid divorce:
- Start communicating - Spend quality time with each other only. Dedicate at least an hour a day exclusively for each other without the interference of children and in-laws or other family members. Use this time to discuss your day-to-day life schedule and sort out your problems.
- Weekend relief - The fast track city life demands a short vacation on weekends once every three months. This will spice up your regular boring life, as you will come back with many sweet memories of the time spent together far from the maddening crowd.
- Feel good factor - Add romance in your day-to-day life. A quick 'I love you' when you leave home, a short buzz from office or remembering important dates will make your other half feel 'special'.
- Food for thought - If you are going through a rough patch, attend to the problem at once. Think about the consequences of divorce, how it will your affect your life and that of your children. So sort out the differences before they become too large to handle.
- Give it a try - If problems continue and you find it difficult to handle the situation, do not give up easily. Give it a last try. Attend workshops and visit a counsellor before you go to the court. It might save your marriage.
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Amrita Biswas
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