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Divide and rule
Lawyers & counsellors delve into divorce
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A recent poll conducted on shaaditimes, 'Do you think divorce rates in India are on the rise?' brought to surface some interesting results. The survey results indicated, 87.8% said Yes, 2.44% said No and the rest 9.76% said Can't Say. This obviously begged the question and the need for more study. So we delved deeper and discovered in a 1991 census that only one percent of Indian marriages broke- up. But these numbers have multiplied 15 times during the last decade! Scary eh?
So now you may be running up to friends who are 'seemingly' happily married or to glossies and agony aunts or to books on Mars vs. Venus to update yourself on the root causes and tips to stay happily together. But believe it or not, the best advice usually comes from people you seem to be avoiding the most - the divorce lawyers and marriage counsellors! Actually they are the ones who deal with broken homes everyday and they study these cases in and out to know about the circumstances leading up to and the results of such splits.
Shaaditimes spoke to a panel of experienced divorce lawyers and marriage counsellors to find out the root causes. According to them, not only is each case a typical study in itself, the causes vary across the cross section of the society. However, the root causes remain the same:
Infidelity and adultery - This scored highest in all the cards. Siddhartha Shah, a recognised lawyer dealing with marital problems said, "Infidelity is making its mark felt in the urban population rapidly and it shows that the Indian value system has gone for a toss." Interestingly, a recent story in a daily reported, "earlier it was the smell of perfume, or a strand of hair on the coat lapel or a lipstick mark that led to squabbles between spouses. Now it is the mobile phone which is fuelling marital discord." There have been cases where an SMS or a series of missed calls have lead the devoted wife to stumble over the significant 'other'! It is ironical that as more and more people meet on-line and then tie the knot, similarly many people who are not happy with their marriages find a third party on the internet through dating services and virtual chats. "Essentially the value system has changed and people think it is fun to have an extra marital affair without thinking of the devastating effect it could have on the minds of the other half and the children," adds Sushma Singh, Advocate High Court dealing with matrimonial matters.
Domestic violence - In spite of women liberalisation, education and awareness, physical and mental torture remains common in many households. This could be as a result of a fallout of dowry system. Sushma Singh says, "It should be noted that though it is more common amongst families of lower income groups, those from the high-heeled society are not exempt from this hell. In fact, in one such case, I came across a lady who was working in a responsible position in a corporate office, but at home her husband was the boss and would beat her up regularly at night." In cities, where people lead an independent life and hardly interact with other families, emotional blackmail by the in-laws or spouse is also high. However, while many marriages in rural areas survive this physical or mental abuse mutely, in the urban society they often result in police complains and subsequently end in divorce.
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