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The 'I do' fear
Dealing with commitment phobia
Agrees 27-year-old Gautam Kumar, "Commitment phobia is as prevalent in women as in men. Many working women enjoy their freedom and as they go up on the success ladder they find it even more difficult to make adjustments to a male partner. Men have always had the upper hand as they were seen as the ones managing the finances and being rough and ready. Women today have shown that its not a man's world anymore and may not consider themselves any less than a man and may dislike the idea of making compromises, which are required in a relationship." Adds consulting psychologist Dr. Eshita Mandal, "Both men and women can suffer from commitment phobia and the reasons may differ from person to person."
 Filmi fever:
Renowned percussionist Bikram Ghosh who plays the protagonist Abinash in the Bengali film Hothat Nirar Jonyo (which deals with a man who frees himself from commitment phobia) explains, "Rani was Abinash's ideal. It hurts him to see her displaced from his lofty pedestal and domesticated like many other housewives. He being an inquisitive person, needed to know what other relationships would be like before he made a decision like marriage. He does not want to marry his girlfriend Maya with the image of another woman, Neera in his head. So he chalks out his own solution and puts it to work. After he consummates his relationship with a married Rani it frees him of the Utopian vision he had of her and he then proposes marriage to his girlfriend Maya. People like Abinash can easily move on."
Practical implications:
Dealing with commitment phobia in real life, it's best to opt for psychoanalysis or psychoanalytic psychotherapy. The goal of the treatment is to understand the inner conflicts, which are preventing people from making the commitment they may want to make. For some, analytical hypnotherapy may help to treat commitment phobia because it taps the root cause of the problem, which helped to create the phobia. If therapy works and you make a sincere effort to change your irrational thought pattern giving rise to commitment phobia you may soon find a dedicated partner whom you want to grow old with. Learning how to fall in love and staying in love till death does part is indeed a fulfilling experience!
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Pallavi Bhattacharya
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