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Adjustments In Marriages
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 Most people are willing to adjust and make changes to adapt to a new working environment or a new group of friends. However, when it comes to making adjustments in marriage, men - and more so - women nowadays, feel their hackles rising. Is it asking for too much to make a few simple adjustments to make your marriage a success?
Mridul and Sudeshna seemed to be the perfect couple when they were dating in college. Always holding hands, going to the same places together and doing the same things with never a fight or a misunderstanding. Ironically, barely two years into their marriage, they were divorced.
A common friend revealed, "They would fight all the time over trifling matters - who would fetch milk, which channel to watch or who would answer phone calls." The rosy days of their college romance full of Hallmark cards, chocolates and roses burst when they started living together. Their complete refusal to make simple adjustments brought their marriage to an abrupt end.
The Importance Of Marital Adjustments:
Every human being needs to make adjustments in life to blend into his or her environment - in fact adjustments are a continuous process from birth to death. Ironically people are seen making adjustments in their office set up or even when in the company of friends - but it is in marriages that adjustments is a much-talked-about and often an unresolved issue.
Madhav Ajgaonkar, proprietor of the Music Inn Studio, uses a lovely metaphor to describe marital adjustments, "When I was between childhood and youth, I had this small blanket. If I covered my head with it, my feet stuck out from the other end, and if I covered my feet, my head was exposed to the cold winter. Today, I am a married man, and I often remember that small blanket whenever we have to adjust."
Does A Long Courtship Make It Easier For Couples To Adjust?
Prolonged dating may give the couple ample time to discuss one's likes and dislikes. Yet, even childhood sweethearts break up after marriage due to adjustment problems. Maybe this is because living under the same roof is way different than romantic wooing with the former having more responsibilities.
According to Madhav, "A guy or a girl can actually put up an act when they are with their respective lovers. For instance the guy may spew foul language with his friends, but not so in front of the girl he is wooing. Post-marriage the scenario changes. Courtship is a 3-hours a day routine, but marriage is a 24-hours a day commitment. One cannot act all the time."
Thus follows the live-in-relationship litmus test for many couples to check whether they will be able to adjust post-marriage.
 Tannistho Ghosh, Instructional Designer of an IT firm says, "Meeting a person everyday and living-in with that person are two entirely different ballgames. A person I meet for half-an-hour may seem like a fantastic partner for me. Living-in can prove that I was so wrong in so many ways." From simple things like discovering that your partner snores or is a slob to worse things like he or she cannot stand your family - the complications do arise.
 However arranged marriages often have a higher success rate than love marriages and live-in relationships. Diptarup feels that the reason for this is, "In arranged marriages there is a societal pressure to compromise and adjust - especially in India".
It is also often seen that the wife plays a subservient role in traditional marriages making most of the adjustments to make the marriage work. Is this a healthy trend?
Consultant psychologist Ritu Khanna says, "It is the woman who moves into a new household after marriage. It is then unrealistic for her, not want to make any change in her lifestyle." However, the adjustment factor applies to both partners. Since a marriage requires two people to make it work, it also requires two people to adapt and adjust to be successful.
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