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Time to hit out
How to end an abusive relationship
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When Rocky showed interest in Teena, she initially felt that it was too good to be true. Teena was short, dark and overweight whereas Rocky had even worked as a model. Teena who had suffered from an inferiority complex as she thought she was ugly and that no man would be attracted to her started worshipping Rocky for liking her. Rocky who was violent in nature, soon started verbally abusing her whenever he got angry. Teena would get hurt when he called her names but put up with it thinking that she was actually at fault for making Rocky angry.
Soon after Teena got married to Rocky she heard that he had been married earlier - his wife had divorced him within six months, as he was abusive. Rocky started being physically abusive to his wife soon after marriage. When his wife confronted him for having extra-marital sex he bluntly told her that he did so because 'his wife was too ugly to satisfy him'. Initially the neighbours would come over to the rescue of Rocky's wife when she'd get beaten up. But she would always make amends with her husband and even sell her gold to free him from jail. Before long nobody came to Teena's help when she was abused. Interestingly Teena lived with her husband for five years as she felt she was too much in love to leave him.
Sanjay was a clerk in a government college. His wife Radha always told him how ashamed she felt to introduce her husband to her social circuit and that he should try to earn a lot more to pay up for her shopping bills. She forever compared her husband to the husbands of her friends whom she felt were better looking, richer and more successful in their careers. She even taught her children to abuse their father and call him names. Radha would derive sadistic pleasure out of destroying the rare stamps and coins her husband liked to collect. Often she'd starve or shoo away his pet cat just to traumatise him. "Try to be a man instead of indulging in childish hobbies. And stop keeping girly pets," she'd snap at him. Often Sanjay would work late to avoid coming home to an abusive wife or in dire circumstances stay over at his brother's house. One day Sanjay couldn't take it any more. While returning from work he took his own life by jumping in front of a speeding train.
One may wonder as to why Sanjay and Teena even put up with an abusive relationship? There are many men and women like them who are in an abusive relationship but can't easily break free.
What is meant by an abusive relationship?
Psychotherapist Liza Misra describes an abusive relationship as, "An abusive relationship is a relationship in which one partner tries to intimidate, control or hurt the other. The word 'abuse' is used when the abusive partner is in a position of advantage - physically or financially." According to blogger and internet marketing consultant, Priya Florence Shah, "An abusive relationship is any relationship that threatens your well-being and/or violates your boundaries, either physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Physical abuse includes hitting, beating, torture and rape. Sexual abuse should also include forcing one's partner to perform acts they are uncomfortable with. Mental abuse includes manipulating people into doing things they are not comfortable with, or attempting to convince a person that they are crazy (when it is really the abuser who is the crazy one). Emotional abuse is an attempt to destroy another person's self-esteem and keep them dependent on the abuser. (E.g.: convincing a person they are no good, that they cannot do without the abuser, that no one else will want them, that they are unattractive and stupid.) Spiritual abuse often goes unnoticed because it is very subtle. It is usually an attack on the person's beliefs, telling them that what they believe is wrong and trying to get them to change the way they think or feel."
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