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The Art Of Hospitality - Part 2
The Host Team
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When both partners entertain their guests together, the outcome is a far better party or home stay than one of them doing it alone. Plus, they come across as the perfect host team.
We love inviting our friends or relatives to spend time with us. But their demands, however subtly made, can take a toll on us. Social conditioning forces us to please our guests, even if that calls for bending backwards. Guests, especially houseguests, often bring out an odd love/hate emotion that we aren't even consciously aware of.
A couple who is hosting a party or entertaining out of town houseguests are like a host team at a sports event. The key is team spirit. The host team will be participating in the event, with the added responsibility of taking caring of all the visiting teams. Showing them around, making sure they have a comfortable stay and giving them a good impression of your hometown. Being the hosts isn't easy, but team spirit keeps their enthusiasm on.
"They aren't my guests. You invited them."
"But they are your relatives!"
Sounds familiar? Tempted to sneak out on the pretext of "some important business" or shirk your responsibility by faking a headache just before their arrival? Well, give a thought to the resentment that will eventually build within your spouse who is doing it all alone. Your spouse may think it's a nice gesture to welcome the new neighbours by inviting them to dinner or to have both your families over to celebrate festivals together. If you are not the kind to socialise and prefer to keep it low key, try and discuss it. A compromise can be arrived at by inviting the neighbours for a quick tea and the families for just important festivals rather than them all. Out of town relatives are bound to visit you at some point. And who knows, you might want to be their houseguests when you are in their city!
Besides, your relationship will only strengthen if you entertain together as a couple. Dealing with fussy houseguests together as a team, you're more likely to soothe each other's nerves during a moment of chaos and let the party flow smoothly. You will learn how one is better at organizing and cleaning while the other is best left in charge of the food, drinks and ambience. One tackles the people issues, like making conversation and the other tackles material issues, like keeping an eye on the caterers or constant checks on the washrooms. If you have houseguests, work up a strategy where each one of you knows your domain.
Host Team Rules:
- Always check before inviting: Expect your spouse to pitch in the work while entertaining? Then it's only fair to ask him / her before inviting guests. If family members call to inform they are visiting, notify your spouse as soon as you know.
- It's not about your guests and my guests: Whether they are your relatives and friends or those of your spouse, your willingness to do your part should not be affected. The degree of your enthusiasm will naturally vary by your own individual relationship with the guests and how you yourself get along with them. But try to stop that from being a dampener in case you're not too fond of them. Your spouse's aunt might very well be the most cynical person alive, but if he's fond of her and invites her over, put up with a smile.
- Split the work and assign it according to each one's personality: Make a list of to-dos (cleaning, making the guest bedroom, bathroom checks, etc). And make a separate list of to-buys (include toiletries, groceries, fresh flowers, a city map and transit timetable). Now, let the more organised one take care of the cleaning to-dos and let the outdoorsy one go out to purchase all the necessities.
- Workloads can vary between team members: Some couples just fall into a pattern about who does what after hosting a few parties or their first houseguest. Others need more substantial planning to decide roles in the team. Whatever the style, remember it's alright to have one person doing more or less, so long as both are satisfied with the arrangement. Each couple has different circumstances and personalities.
- Success is based on flexibility: Knowing you can rely on each other to do the extra bit is a burden off the shoulders by itself. Being flexible and switching roles when necessary is the key to being the perfect host team.
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Aarti Thadani
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