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What You Seek Is What You Get - Love Or Arranged!
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One of the biggest questions facing the new Indian GenX is whether to opt for an arranged marriage or a love one? Which works better, which is more likely to be successful and which most meets their current demands.
What most people looking to get married don't seem to realise that it is not love or arranged that will determine whether your marriage is a success or not.
We always get in life what we look for. So whatever we look for in marriage, that is what we are likely to get.
Let us first consider the modus operandi of an arranged marriage. We have our own criteria to look for in a prospective partner. For example, if the boy is a doctor, then he may look for a girl who is also a doctor, so that they can practice together. Hence they both get married as they fulfil each other's criteria. However, after marriage, once they start their practice together, they discover that life has turned so boring and hopeless.
Both of them start to complain of being unloved and unappreciated. But why are they complaining? They got what they were looking for. They wanted a spouse from the same profession and they got that. Were they looking for someone, who would really love them and turn their whole life into a continuous celebration?
This is where the trouble lies.
We do not look for someone, who really loves us. And then we complain about it. Well, if you were looking for a beautiful girl, you got her. You were not looking for someone who would really love you. She should also love you, is a demand you are imposing on her after marriage, of which she may not be capable.
Now let us try to understand the dilemma of the so-called love marriages. Most of these marriages are based on 'mental' compatibility. Such people come close to each other because they have common interests and motivations.
Let us try to understand that such compatibility, cannot really last for the whole life, as the changeable mind is the biggest culprit. Very little time passes after marriage and both of them start to say that the other has changed and now there seems to be no harmony.
So, what has happened? We need to realise that interests and objectives are just mental games, as they keep fluctuating. Hence, it is dangerous to rely upon these as a solid foundation, as when these fluctuate, the whole foundation of marriage itself collapses. Even if these do remain unchanged, boredom creeps in, because the mind always seeks something new and gets bored by the present.
Hence, no wonder then, that in the mind-oriented western society, marriage is so unstable. In fact, these are the very marriages, which often lack love. We should start to call them fascination marriages and not love marriages. It is only because of their fascination for each other that they get married and not because of love.
So coming back to the big question... Do arranged marriages work better or love marriages?
The only answer to that is that marriages that are based on solid principles and foundations - of love, trust, respect and commitment - work best. How you find your partner - via relatives, a pundit, on the Internet on websites like Shaadi.com, through friends, at work or at a nightclub - is irrelevant. What truly makes a marriage work is your determination to be happy and to have a good marriage.
So go ahead and look for your mate... and seek a happy marriage. You'll find it.
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