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| Love and Relationships |
 Malti Bhojwani
Is the founder of Multi Coaching International, a certified and experienced life coach, NLP practitioner (Neuro Linguistic Programming), workshop leader and published author. She mainly coaches by phone where her clients have lost weight, found partners, gotten over past relationships and changed their lives using her skills and powerful exercises. Have a question? Click here...
Be Patient
 Zahira (name changed) asks,
I met a guy on Shaadi.com and we've been in touch for almost a year and a half. I'm very anxious to meet the guy but he doesn't seem to be taking any initiative. It's always me pushing for things to move forward. Do you think that's a good sign? I would greatly appreciate any insight you can offer.
 Dear Zahira,
Online or offline, we women need to maintain our dignity and trust in the fact that if a guy is interested, then he will 'move mountains' to speak to his partner. If you have been in communication for over a year, it does seem strange that he has not taken the initiative to see you. Try not to get too attached with him. Remember, you are free to make your choices and anything that does not flow is usually just not meant to be. If I were in place of you, I would let it go and explore other people. First, reassess what you are really looking for in a life partner and the values and attributes that are essential to you and then re-look your profile and perhaps tweak it a little. Open yourself up to the Universe to bring to you what you are looking for. If he is the one, he will feel the loss and try to have you back. If not, I am sure there's someone much better in store for you.
Help Him Get Over it
Prasad J S R asks,
My son's engagement was called off last year, as the girl decided to focus more on her career than the marriage. Since then my son has been really upset about it and has lost interest in finding a girl. How do I convince my son to look for fresh matches?
Dear Prasad,
I'm sorry that your son's engagement was called off. I understand how he must have felt at that point. Heartache can be quite painful at any age and it sounds like he probably did have some hopes and dreams attached to this girl. It would be good for him to work on his self-esteem and zest for life. I am not a counselor or therapist and can’t really analyze why your son is not getting back into the groove of things. What I can suggest though is that you support him in rebuilding his joy and satisfaction in all other areas of his life. Once he starts feeling good about his work, career, personal life, finances, he'll change. Maybe then he'll start looking for a girl. Like, I always say in my workshops and to all my clients, if I asked you “DO NOT THINK OF A BLUE BALL” what happens? You automatically visualize a blue ball in your mind. So, asking him not to think about what happened will only make him dwell on it even more. Encourage and support him to focus on other things, instead.
Speak the Truth Always
Nikkhil asks,
I'm a 23-year-old boy in love with a girl of the same age. My father's job is such that every two years he's transferred and because of this I've had to suffer. I had to keep changing my school every two years. I was also bullied during my schooling days. I have loads of issues surrounding me though I'm a good student. I could complete engineering in an average college with decent marks, whereas my girl has been very successful and ambitious and I have lied to her about myself, due to self-esteem issues. She likes me and has given out those signs. Now, I fear that I will lose her once she gets to know the truth. Kindly help!
Dear Nikkhil,
Say it to me now, say it to me anyway...the truth does set you free. When you build a relationship, especially one as meaningful and intimate as a marriage, you have to come clean with your important truths. If she loves you, she loves you for who you are, now, not your 'potential'. Having said that, for as long as you continue to blame your parents or your father’s job or all the humiliation you went through when you were bullied during your school days, you will continue to live in this story and feel miserable. You are happy and fine, and the sooner you realise that, you can get on the horse and make the changes that you need to make, so that you are more successful in your own eyes. This really matters.
It's Not Just Looks That Matter
Ramesh Dethe asks,
I'm a 45-year-old married man with two sons. I'm somehow not happy with my wife because she's not very great to look at. Also, I feel she's not an honest person. I want to have a love marriage through the internet, but I don't want to leave my wife, as I really love my sons. Is this possible? If not, why?
Dear Ramesh,
I am sorry and I don’t mean to offend you, but as much as I want to empathize with you, I do find it difficult to be non-judgmental that you would like to 'trade in' your unattractive wife for a better looking model. Looks are only skin deep and I would invite you to have a good look at yourself and your sons and look at all the sacrifices your wife must have made over the years just to be there for you. If you still think you can't be happy with your wife, I guess you are just left with one option and that is to divorce her and find someone you think is more compatible for you. You say that you love your sons, what does being with your wife have to do with loving your sons? If you really seek a second chance at love, then take the risk, leave your wife and see if you can find another woman you want to be with. Keeping two wives, to me sounds deceitful and unethical. By doing so, you'll also set a bad example for your kids. So, think about it.
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