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Promises to keep
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Would you let a dying person's whim and wish come in the way of your or someone else's happiness?
"Sometimes I think life could have been different if I had married the girl I loved," said the man wistfully. These words are uttered by a man who has been married for nearly 25 years. A long association, but not a very happy marital life! Both husband and wife have accepted that they were not made for each other in the first place. But what can be done now? Life goes on, rather drags on.
Extracting parting promise
"But why didn't you marry the girl you loved?" I asked. "...Because of my family. They were very stubborn. They wanted me to marry the girl they knew from the same caste as ours." "But you too could have been stubborn and stuck to your guns," I couldn't help saying. "I did try. But unfortunately at that time my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She made me promise on her deathbed that I would marry the girl of my family's choice."
The ideal Indian son couldn't say no to his dying mother. To keep her happy, he promised. He turned his back on love and quietly married the girl chosen by the family. For a few days everybody praised the obedient son, but did anyone care how he lived in a loveless marriage for the rest of his life?
You too must have met or heard about such people. People who promise to do something against their own wishes for the sake of their dying elders! Young ones who give up their desires and ambitions just to keep old people at peace for a few days.
Upholding death-wish
A lady was breathing her last. Somehow she couldn't give up and kept on trying to say something to the husband. Nobody could understand the exact words, but someone present over there declared, "Oh, the poor woman is worried about her small children!" Listening to this the loving husband immediately whispered in the wife's ear, "I won't remarry; your children won't suffer at the hands of a step-mother! I will take care of them single-handedly. You go in peace!" The woman breathed her last.
The man was in his early-thirties, when she died. But he didn't re-marry as he had to keep the promise made to his dying wife. People don't tire of singing his praises but he is a lonely man today. In the first case, the mother had only a few days to live, but just to feel satisfied for those few days she took away her son's life-long happiness! In the other case, the woman was about to die, not after a few days, but a few minutes. Still the husband vowed to remain lonely forever, so that his wife's soul would rest in peace.
Kasme wade
Just imagine - a few minutes' whim against someone's whole life! Whose happiness or peace should be valued more? For a moment let us think of the dying people. Okay, promise whatever they want so that they can die satisfied. But after that can't you break the promise for the sake of the living ones? We live in a society where such promises, kasams are taken and given very seriously - 'pran jaye par vachan na jaye'. We don't care if lives are ruined in trying to keep such promises. No doubt, in some circumstances promises should be and must be kept. For example, the promise to remain faithful to your spouse, the promise to work honestly and sincerely in your office should be upheld. And yes, you will have to eat that dark green chilli too, if your girl-friend says with a smile, 'meri kasam, you have to eat this.'
But on the flip side, when somebody is using this pretext as a ploy just for his or her selfish needs, then why should one abide by it? So many times you hear parents telling their daughter or son who have fallen in love with someone, 'swear over your heart that you won't meet that person! And if you break that promise, you will see us dead...' Well, here in the name of promise, aren't they just suppressing their off-springs?
Lessons from Ramayana
Quoting Ramayana, we sing: "Raghukul reet sada chalee aayee; pran jaaye par vachan na jaye..." It implies that we be ready to die to keep the promise! It sounds very nice, very noble. Have a look at Ramayana wherein... because of one strange promise given to Queen Kaikayee how many people suffered. King Dashrath died; Ram and Sita had to go to the forest; Ram's brother Laxman had to go with them; and his wife was left at home suffering; Bharat had to live like a monk. In the war between Ram and Ravan thousands died... and even after all this Sita died unhappy and Ram ended up a lonely man.
So tell me, what great purpose was served here by keeping that promise? But no, you are not supposed to ask such questions. And some of you might even say that if we develop such an attitude, then the promises won't have any meaning; words will lose their value... people will stop honouring their verbal commitments.
True. We can't live in a world where spoken words, promises, and commitments are neither respected nor valued. But if promises are valuable; please also see who is paying the price! When you know that by asking someone to promise something, someone is giving up on his or her happiness... why do you ask for it?
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Varsha Pathak
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