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Are You Compatible With Mummyji ?
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 As an Indian, you have to accept that being married does not mean you simply married a guy, but are marrying into his entire family. While you'll have to learn to deal with the various in-laws and countless relatives of your spouse, dealing with (or adjusting to) your mother-in-law is a whole different ball game altogether. So, if you really want your marriage to work, being compatible with your husband is not nearly enough. You also need to know whether or not you're compatible with 'mummyji '!
Suneeta Sharma has just married off her son two months back. Here's what she has to say about her daughter-in-law - ''I want my bahu to be able to manage everything from home to work. I have many friends whose bahus are perfectly handling their jobs and their homes. So, why should my daughter-in-law be less than anyone?''
These expectations on Suneeta's part are putting tremendous pressure on Veena, her bahu. Now Veena is somewhat of a homebody and likes taking care of the house. But, although she worked before marriage, she doesn't want to keep working and would love to lead a housewife's existence. However, her mother-in-law wants her to be a superwoman and her expectations are really taking a toll on Veena's mind!
Veena and her husband get along really well and he couldn't care if she worked or not. But all of Suneeta's friends' bahus work so why shouldn't hers? This is a classic case of Veena's thoughts not being compatible with her mummyji !
A complete opposite of this situation is Preeti's. She is a working bahu and wants to give all her time to advance her career, at least till the kids come along. But this is what Preeti has to say, ''My mother-in-law gave me specific instructions after one month of my marriage. She told me in no uncertain terms that I have to handle the kitchen in the morning. She does not mind me working, as long as it does not interfere with my household 'duties'. I offered to hire a cook, but my ma-in-law doesn't like naukar ke haath ka bana hua khana!''
So, Preeti has no choice but to get up very early in the mornings and make sure lunch is ready before she leaves for work. Lots of women do this and some may say that it's not that big a deal. But never having worked in the kitchen before she got married, it was quite a big deal for Preeti. She often says that only if she knew this is how it was going to be, she probably would have married into another family where her mother-in-law did not have such expectations from her!
This clearly shows that no matter how compatible you are with your spouse, it is also extremely important to be compatible with mummyji. Yes, it may not be realistic to expect that you and your future mother-in-law should see eye to eye on every topic. But, it is important that you at least agree on things that matter to you and on topics where you do not want to have to make any compromises.
There's a reason why mothers are the unpopular subjects of in-law jokes and not the fathers. The reason is that mothers have a much closer bond with their sons, having brought them up from the time they were born. Sharing their son with his friends, other relatives, work colleagues, or even a girlfriend is quite OK. But when it comes to sharing him with their daughters-in-law, the rules change completely. Perhaps that is why mothers-in-law sometimes have unrealistic expectations from their bahus?
But I do know this - if you want to keep the peace in your married home, you better make sure you're compatible with your mummyji !
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Ruchi Agarwal
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