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Is Lying Always Bad?
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All of us have certain ideas about what is 'right' in life and what is 'wrong'. When it comes to the topic of lying, most of us would probably say that lying is the bad thing to do and speaking the truth is what's right. After all, the truth helps to keep things simple whereas one lie often leads to another, making situations too complex.
However, to borrow a phrase from Oscar Wilde, ''The truth is rarely pure and never simple.''
Does that mean that if the truth is not simple, it is ok to resort to lying? Can there sometimes be a good cause for lying in a relationship? Can relationships actually benefit from lying or do all lies ruin a relationship eventually?
Let's see if we can try and figure out the answers to these questions.
Suchit and Sunita are in a relationship since the past 2 years. When asked if there was place for lying in a relationship, this is what Suchit had to say, ''Sometimes, women can ask us questions to which there are no easy answers. If we told them the outright truth in response to their questions, chances are that they would be extremely hurt. In fact, many times I feel that Sunita is asking me a question to which she probably knows the answer but is silently imploring me to lie to her!''
A classic example of such a questions is, ''How many women have you dated (or been with) before me?''
Now if a man has not really been in a relationship with too many women before his current one, he can tell his woman the truth. However, if he has several notches on his bed-post, then he'd probably not want to tell his girlfriend the truth; not because he wants to lie to her but only because he wants to avoid hurting her.
This is how men rationalize their lying, ''There's nothing to gain from telling the pure truth here. So, if I just told a little white lie so that my woman can be saved some heartache, is that really so bad?''
Frankly, I don't think that is so bad!
But the point here is; who gets to decide that lying in a particular situation is ok as long as your lies are not hurting anyone? Would most women (and even men) want their partners to lie to them to protect them or would they want their partners to be completely honest with them, even if it meant hurting them.
It is never pleasant to think that you may be betrayed by someone you love. All of us want our husbands, wives, or significant others to be honest with us. We all want an open and truthful relationship that is built on trust. However, despite our best intentions, sometimes secrecy and deception can creep into our relationships.
When it comes to certain aspects of a relationship such as being faithful, cheating on your partner, or talking about your real feelings for your partner, we can all say that lying is wrong. However, when it comes to the little white lies that are told to reduce conflict in a relationship or to save someone from unnecessary pain, then is lying acceptable?
The way I see it, intimate relationships do demand honesty from both the partners, but sometimes complete honesty may even tear a couple apart. So, perhaps telling the partial truth is what is needed to make a relationship work. The key lies in finding the correct balance.
Click here to view the Intimacy Special
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Ruchi Agarwal
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