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Seven-Year Itch - Fact Or Fiction?
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Is the proverbial 7 years tipping point, where relationships start to cool, for real?
You may recognize the phrase 'seven-year itch' as the title of a 1955 film starring Marilyn Monroe (does the hero even matter!) that explored the supposed urge for infidelity that sets in after seven years of marriage. Fifty years on, this phrase is also used to refer to an urge to move on from a stagnating marriage, not only for a desire for new sexual experiences.
Looking for newness?
Insofar as any married couple is concerned - what matters is whether this phrase is rooted in fact or fiction? Here are some facts to help you decide -
- Human cells renew themselves every seven years. Technically, once you've renewed all the cells in your body, you become a new person, right? Now suppose these changes have occurred against your marriage, not with it - mightn't you then desire to opt out of your marriage?
- If this doesn't strike a chord, it may help to know that psychologist Lawrence A Kurdek, Ph.D., of Wright State University conducted a study that looked at predicting the rate of change in marital quality during the first ten years of marriage. The outcome of his study suggested a definite decline in marital satisfaction occurs at about the eighth year of marriage.
Interestingly, the study provides evidence of two sets of normative declines in marital quality in the first ten years of a marriage. The first decline is what is commonly referred to as the 'honeymoon is over' that happens as the first flush of married life wanes. The second decline happens at about the eighth year of marriage - this is what is commonly called the seven-year itch.
Surviving the seven-year itch
So how can you face this rough spot and come out intact? Dr Kurdek suggests that "the severity of some instances of marital distress might be mitigated by spouses' expecting and being prepared for 'normal' periods of decline in marital quality." In other words, since a certain measure of dissatisfaction with married life is inevitable (not necessary at this crucial milestone, it could happen later too), never assume "it won't happen to me" as this mistaken belief might rock your boat!
Further, while the cell renewal theory was not the leading reason Dr Kurdek cited as causing the seven-year itch, he did find that the presence of young children puts pressure on a marriage. Now children are known to enhance their parents' bond and all that. But little children are also so demanding that they leave parents with little time and energy to nurture their marital relationship.
Says Geeta, whose marriage almost broke up in its eight year as she juggled a part-time job and managed two tots - "Looking back, I realize that I often neglected Vishal when he'd come home from work, simply because I was exhausted and craved time alone." Fortunately, counselling and some reorganization of their lives saved their relationship.
Keep the fizz going
Knowing other causes of the seven-year itch could save your marriage from going flat. Here are some leading reasons:
- Boredom with the relationship or with oneself
- Feeling trapped in a role that is no longer desirable such as being the primary nurturer
- Decreased communication
- Taking your partner for granted
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