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Do Your Funny Bones Match?
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 Rule of thumb - Don't make fun of your beau
You may never have thought of it, but it's important for couples to share a sense of humour.
Most people relate 'humour' to 'funny'. So anything humorous becomes a funny issue. Never something sad.
However, in Sheena's case, misplaced humour turned out to be the cause for her broken engagement.
When humour caused disaster...
The whole idea of her sense of humour being the leading reason for her ex-fiancée Vinod to break up with her came across as so incredulous that it took a long time to sink in.
Sitting sobbing by the side of her best friend, she shared her story in an attempt to make sense of the sorry turn of events - ''When we sat with a counsellor,'' she said ''Vinod almost spewed fire. He spoke of how sarky I was and said I had no consideration for his feelings. I can't believe this is the same guy who proposed to me so lovingly just eight months ago.''
Sheena thought Vinod had no funny bone and was just not appreciative of her witty humour and attempts to lighten things up.
Do you understand the meaning of humour?
''He's too serious'' she lamented.
Was Sheena right, or has she misunderstood the very essence of the word 'humour' and more, the role it plays in our lives?
Her friend thought so, and tried to point out where she believed Sheena had gone wrong. ''Humour, my dear, doesn't mean funny. It actually means a 'state of mind' or 'inclination'. Apply that to funny and it means that we all have our own perception of what we think is laughable. So - while your approach to humour is to mock whatever you think is beneath you, Vinod prefers more innocent slapstick humour directed at none in particular'' she explained.
"That's not all. You are in your mid-thirties, very much a woman of the world, financially independent, socially secure and confident of your looks. Your success has made you somewhat sarcastic when you comment on laggards in either the work sphere, or those with a poor fashion sense or in their body shape or whatever. And since these comments form the bulk of the jokes you make, and Vinod is not doing as well as you are, he grew to feel intimidated by you" she added.
Rule of thumb - Don't make fun of your beau
"But I've never thought of Vinod as a loser. He is doing well for himself. And my jokes are clever - all my friends say so," interjected Sheena.
"True. Yet he began wondering what would happen ten years down the line, if the gap between your success and his grew still further. He'd be the constant butt of your jokes. And as for your jokes, they may be witty, but they also border on being sarky. It's just that unlike family members or would-be family, your close friends never feel any pressure to compete with you. But Vinod probably threw his hands up because he realized he had let himself in for a lifetime of subjugation," opined her friend.
Humour your man/woman
As Sheena introspected over the next few weeks, she realized this was true. She was over-confident and probably, had not realized that Vinod was overly sensitive. She wished that he had cautioned her, or even told her to lay off making fun of him, but as her friend pointed out - "Humour also means to 'indulge someone'. When you are in a relationship, this means understanding what gives each other happiness and offering that. It doesn't mean to make fun of your partner. This may sound hurtful, but you probably did the opposite of that and scared away Vinod."
Although Sheena rued her misjudgement of the situation, she appreciated the need for a couple to share a sense of humour all the more. "My jokes must have really put off Vinod," she mused. "Vinod is a kindly soul, slower than me but more loving. More the Tom & Jerry or Charlie Chaplin humour kind!"
In other words, Sheena had learnt a valuable lesson - not to laugh at anyone else's expense, as this may be hurtful to the target. In her case, it cost her, her fiancée and caused her a lot of heartache.
Nevertheless, her never-say-die attitude has made her thankful to have understood where she went wrong. "Next time, I'll be more considerate of my partner," she says.
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Charu Bahri
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