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Forgive and forget
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The wife didn't argue further and the talks moved on in another direction. But even after coming back home, I could not forget the man's words. What he did two years ago was definitely not something to feel proud of. And he had to face humiliation and loss of face in front of his wife and close friends for that. He had apologised and was let go. The matter should have ended there but the fact is that it didn't. His humiliation continued. The wife took up the role of a martyr, while the husband had become a symbol of lechery. He is supposed to feel ashamed of himself forever. The family, and the world at large, is reminded again and again that this creature cannot be trusted. In short, he is condemned forever.
Condemned forever
Can we say he has been forgiven? Even he realises that he is not, but don't you think that the wife has no right to play a martyr? She is not suffering in silence. She uses the incident to her advantage. After the partner's misdeed she didn't leave him or the house. She chose to live with him and torture him mentally at her will. What kind of forgiveness or love are we talking about? And how long does she think she can carry on like this?
Sometimes we all do this. We say that we have forgiven a friend or spouse for some lapse, but we dig it up again whenever we get angry about something. The guilty party is made to feel ashamed all over again. It is possible that at some stage the person may start thinking, 'hey, why the hell did I apologise? If the punishment is going to continue, I might as well commit the sin again. After all I am supposed to be bad...'
Generous to a fault
Well, nobody can force you to put up with your partner's philandering. True, but then you don't pretend to be kind and large-hearted. If your heart says so, fight or even leave, but if you choose to forgive and be magnanimous enough to absolve the sinner, then please, put the matter behind you once and for all. Don't keep it alive, the memories can destroy a relationship. If you forgive, please try to forget. And in case you can't forget, at least try to keep it to yourself if you care enough for the relationship or the person concerned.
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Varsha Pathak
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