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Is Your Partner A Harmless Flirt Or A Lying Cheat?
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I constantly struggle with the definitions of 'Flirting' and 'Cheating' because there seems to be such a fine line between the two. I often find myself pondering over these questions - Is flirting really just another word for cheating?
Can a person harmlessly flirt with someone of the opposite sex without cheating on his/her partner? Do the rules change if you're married v/s when you were just dating someone?
The first thing that I did to try and end the confusion once and for all was to look up the meaning of flirting. Interestingly, I found two definitions, which seem to be contrary to one another. The first definition said; flirting is ''to behave tenderly without serious intention, to show superficial or casual interest.'' The other definition was, ''playful conduct intended to arouse sexual interest.''
Personally, I didn't have a problem with the first definition. After all, all of us are known to behave in a friendly manner with people of the opposite sex without having any serious intentions. So if that is flirting, well… it isn't cheating. However, the second definition really fuelled a fire in my mind. Any kind of behavior (playful or otherwise) that is indulged in to arouse sexual interest; well… that is definitely cheating in my book!
But just as there are contradictory definitions of the word, similarly couples across the globe also have contrary views on flirting and cheating.
Vishal, a 31 year old networker has this to say, ''Flirting is just a harmless interaction between friends. Just because those friends happen to be of different sexes, doesn't mean what they are doing is cheating.''
On the other hand, this is what Malini, a 28 year old banker had to say, ''When you're committed to someone, whether married to them or dating, everything you have to offer belongs to them. Not just your heart and your body, but your secrets, your desires, your fantasies, and even your flirtation belong to your partner. If you're sharing these with another person, especially someone of the opposite sex, then you're cheating!''
The way I see it, as long as you're not emotionally involved, it is possible to indulge in harmless flirting. Here are some differences between flirting and cheating:
- If you're comfortable teasing or playfully bantering with another person in front of your partner and your partner is comfortable too, then it is harmless flirting. However, if you feel the need to hide your actions from your partner, then you are emotionally involved on some level and that is cheating.
- If your playful innuendos are not sexual in nature, then it's flirting. But, if the person you're supposedly flirting with gets the wrong signals from your actions, then you have crossed the line into cheating.
- If you flirt with someone and that person starts calling you at home or tries to meet you often, then you may have unknowingly crossed the line. If your flirting partner starts to develop an emotional bond towards you, then you have gone too far. Even if nothing physical may have happened, emotional infidelity amounts to cheating too.
Flirting v/s cheating is definitely not a clear cut or black and white issue. There are many shades of grey here. What one partner may see as harmless flirting may be considered as cheating by the other partner. So, to ensure that your relationship does not suffer from the issue of flirting, it is best to talk to your partner so that you both are on the same page as far as flirting and cheating go. It is when partners have a different sense of the terms that problems occur.
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Ruchi Agarwal
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