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How To Bluff Your Way As A New Spouse
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And speaking of ill health, grooms only believe in survival of the fittest. So letting on that you are not as fit as you appear to be is sacrilege. Husbands must always be in the pink of health. Your mother may have thought cooing over you while you moaned and groaned was oh-so-special. It's highly unlikely that your new bride will find her husband hanging with his head in the pot an attractive sight. She expects you to coddle her and be the macho man. So, if you find yourself going yellow or green or any other colour with a nasty bug, insist that it's the latest trend from Versace.
If we are talking of Versace, how can we not mention shopping and new brides? Has your husband seen the credit card statements yet or are you saving that for when he forgets your birthday? That is how all new brides should deal with shopping bills. There is really no point in stressing the poor sod out. Instead, wait till he really goofs up big time - and men being men, he will eventually. Then, bring out the tears and the bills simultaneously. The tears will effectively wash away any tirades that may have happened and the bills will be paid with gratitude that you have given him a chance to redeem himself somehow.
Of course, if new brides can manipulate shopping bills, new husbands are the masters when it comes to hiding financial gaffes. While you are thinking that you have a tidy little sum of money saved up for your annual holiday, he probably has the autographed baseball from the 1935 season finale. And when you find that autographed baseball if you think he will come clean and admit he bought it, think again. He will then be amazed at what a discovery you have made and by selling the ball isn't it great how you two can take the vacation immediately. Whether he actually sells the ball and takes you for a vacation or not is dependent on how much he values his peace - among other things.
So if you really think about it, marriage is all about learning to dance. You waltz into places angels would fear to tread, sidestep issues that are uncomfortable for you and show you in a bad light and simply cha cha your way through life. Along the way if the music stops, pretend you still hear it and continue to dance.
New brides and grooms can pretend to dance to each other's tune while actually pulling the strings of the whole show. Whether you rule the roost or your husband does, whether you wear the pants or your wife does, whether you are the man or he is - it all adds up to the same thing. You both want to rule, you both have no clue what the other is thinking or doing and you both are too busy bluffing your way through marriage. The great part of course is that all successful marriages work because both spouses let each other bluff to their heart's content.
You say one thing, you mean another. He listens to something and hears another. It's what makes marriage so beautiful. The ability to coexist without really ever understanding what the other is saying. After all men are from Mars and women are from Venus. The two shall never speak the same language - and yet, who needs words to communicate?
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Kavita Harlalka
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