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Agony Aunt & Agonized Lovelorn Queries
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 ''Dear Agony Aunty,
I am having serious problems with my fiancée. We have been in love for three years and our wedding is three months later. I recently confessed to her that my first sexual experience was when I was six.
My aunt while giving me a bath as a child started to fondle me sexually. We had a sexual relationship from age six to fifteen. It stopped only after she relocated to another city. When my fiancée told me that she was disgusted with my paedophilic incestuous aunt and this was childhood sexual abuse, I replied, "But it was not abuse for me because I really enjoyed it. I am still in touch with my aunt over phone, flirt with her and she even calls me 'her first husband'.''
She'll call off the wedding if I don't cut off all ties with this aunt. She also suspects that my aunt's kids may have been fathered by me. I can't leave my aunt nor can I imagine life without my fiancée. So what do I do now?''
- In love and lust with both aunt and fiancée.
When his own aunt caused problems for him and his fiancée, he thought of writing to a far wiser aunt named Agony Aunt. Agony Aunt told him that his fiancee's concerns were indeed valid. Both of them should visit a relationship counsellor immediately. As a victim of childhood sexual abuse he was still being manipulated by his aunt by being called her 'first husband'.
Who is Agony Aunt?
Agony Aunt is the advice columnist of a newspaper, magazine or an online portal. The original image portrayed of Agony Aunt was of an elderly woman providing comforting advice and maternal wisdom, therefore she was given the name of an 'aunt'.
Nowadays the Agony Aunt column is answered by an experienced psychologist / counsellor, a celebrity or even by the in-house staff of the publication. It is suspected that some publications make up both the queries and the answers.
Readers write in anonymously to Agony Aunt on personal problems. Queries related to love; romance and sex seem to predominate.
When Agony Aunty gets agonizing for the readers...
Sometimes Agony Aunt gets agonizing for the readers as the answers provided are far too politically correct and no matter how varied the problems may be one bland solution is provided for most of them, "I am very sad to hear what you are going through. But please remember that every life is full of ups and downs. This is just a bad phase which will get over soon. Take a few deep breaths to relax. Meditate."
Some publications have therefore brought about a radical change in their Agony Aunt column. For instance actress Mandira Bedi split herself into two personalities 'Angel Eyes' and 'Devil Lies'. The answer tinted with an angel halo was sugar-coated. But when Mandira donned on the devil's cloak she gave a very blunt reply without sitting on the fence.
Time Out: Mumbai has innovatively replaced Agony Aunt with Ecstasy Aunt. The answers provided come with great wit and humour and a cartoon to illustrate.
Why is Agony Aunty full of weird lovelorn queries?
Abhijeet Kini, the ingenious cartoonist of the Time Out magazine answers, "Lovelorn people, lovelorn questions. In a country like India, where the concept of 'love' is poorly defined, a lot of such doubts and frustrations would creep up in the minds of the people."
Which is the weirdest question, Abhijeet drew a cartoon for? He replies, "The funniest one was this guy who had sent in his concerns about his girlfriend allowing her dog to come in the bedroom and watch them while they have sex. What immediately came to my mind was a couple in bed, with the man looking a bit upset at the dog, which is sitting on the bed itself, with a pack of popcorn and a wry smile, like as though it is enjoying the show."
A reflection of society?
So what do the kind of questions asked in the Agony Aunt column reveal of Indian society as a whole? After all Indians often put on a puritanical garb and are tight-lipped when it comes to matters on love, romance and sex… so why the weird queries?
The renowned Ecstasy Aunt of the Time Out magazine answers, "In particular in India and generally the South Asian context to speak about love openly and with maturity is not. There are a lot of ridiculous ideas about love - it only happens once, desire cannot exist without love, standards about when it is true and when it is not true.
On top of it all there is a very problematic division made between love and sex and few people have the opportunity (nor do they try to create it) to advance from a very adolescent, uneasy, moralistic view of sex. So I think the questions reveal that while the entire moral and romantic landscape of this country is changing rapidly, the discussion around it is not keeping up. People are still surprisingly conservative - or nervous about convention."
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Pallavi Bhattacharya
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