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Sharing of intimacy
Learn and experience the joy of giving joy
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Most often sex educators and sexologists refer to sex as being an act of 'procreation' or 'recreation'. But no one talks about the most important aspect of sex i.e. "sharing of intimacy".
 Procreation and recreation are both acts of taking, of wanting, of doing ~ I want a child, or I want my pleasure/enjoyment, therefore I actively do something to get what I want for myself; this is sex. On the other hand, when I care for and love someone so dearly and intimately, I cease wanting for myself and derive joy in giving joy to my partner, of sharing my complete vulnerable self with my partner in trust ~ it is my first taste of unconditional love, to derive happiness in giving happiness to someone, not as an ego-centered act, but for the joy of sharing of yourself.
When sex happens during sharing of intimacy it is beautiful. If you feel grateful for having someone in you life to be able to open yourself and extend yourself beyond your self, so that you could experience the joys of sharing of your being, it is not sex, but love - unconditional love. This unconditional love once born in them, gets shared with all those who come in touch with them, and thus such love takes on the form of compassion for all.
Most sex educators merely talk about and teach only 'body-centered' sex, that is sex for procreation and recreation. At the most, they may talk about being 'responsible for' and 'sensitive in' their sexual activities. But, it is their duty to also talk of the aspect of sex as an expression of love & care and sharing in an intimate relationship. Helping those who are confined to being 'body-centered' to move on to being 'heart-centered' is the responsibility of sex educators. When the right values are being lived by a person; when love is born in a person, then responsibility and sensitivity simply follows on its own.
Responsibility and sensitivity has to be taught to those who are only wanting and taking pleasure for recreation or procreation. But those who are living in love, care and sharing, since their focus is on the other and not on himself, they will not and cannot do anything to jeopardize and hurt the body, mind and soul of the other, thus responsibility and sensitivity arises from within, and is not taught from outside.
The emphasis on heart values by our sex educators is the only way out of the broken marriages, the teenage pregnancies, the AIDS pandemic, the cases of rape and molestation, eve-teasing, and other sex-related problems/crimes. It is up to these educators to offer the options of living in the heart and motivating society to choose these options for a more fulfilled life and a better world.
Everyone is truly looking for happiness in his life, to find something, someone, some place of everlasting joy. But unfortunately we are looking for it in the wrong place ~ we are seeking it outside ourselves. And the material and sexual indulgence explosion of the West is a result of this search for happiness. This search for everlasting joy is there because of a deep-set dissatisfaction with oneself as one has lost contact with one's true inner nature of everlasting unconditional love and joy.
Everyone wants unconditional love and joy, because it is natural to want to come back to you own home, your true nature from which you have accidentally got separated. But, unfortunately they think that it is available through increasing material and sexual indulgence, and therefore they are gripped by the greed for more indulgence, and the fear of losing the ability to indulge due to ailing health, old age and death.
Many who are on the path of indulgence, at some point see the futility of running outwards, and turn inwards to live a life of love, sharing and giving of themselves in true love. Many others keep on running outwards with the hope of finding what they have not yet got.
Those who confine sex to a recreation, often indulge either in multiple relationships, perverted sexual acts, experiments like swinging, orgies etc., and are always in greed and fear. They are the target of pornographic magazines and films, companies selling sex-tonics, cosmetic surgeons etc. who feed on their greed and fear. Such indulgers can never get enough and very often even die with sexual thoughts in their minds.
On the other hand, those for whom sex is sharing of intimacy and who share their entire life with their partner in love, derive immeasurable contentment in this sharing of intimacy. They learn and experience the joys of giving joy to someone other than themselves, they experience the healing touch of love in their own lives, are better citizens of society, and can thus contribute to society in a better, more loving way.
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Dr. Rajan Bhonsle
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