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Marriage and the husband
Focussing on the contribution of the man to his relationship
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Dr. Tushar Guha
Is the Founder Managing Director of Nrityanjali - the Institute of Performing Arts, Education, Personality Development and Management Services. He is also a practicing Psychologist, Counsellor, Educationist & Corporate Trainer. Have a question? Click here...
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Whenever there is a talk or discussion on relationships, marriage or family - the focus has always been directed towards the woman - the mother, the wife, the sister, the daughter. Sometimes, I wonder - shouldn't a relationship have two sides? Can a relationship be complete without two parties? But we only hear and feel the version of one side - the woman - her expectations and dreams, her agony, her anguish and anxiety, her pain, her joy and her happiness.
The other side of any relationship - the Man - the father, the husband, the brother, the son also have his share of expectations and dreams, his agony, his anguish and anxiety, his pain, his joy and his happiness. However, it is never spoken about, thought about and considered. There are two reasons to it.
- for long women have been taken for granted.
- men seldom express their emotions.
This article is an attempt to focus on the contribution of the man to his relationship, his shortcomings, expectations, agony and so on, from his relationship and finally the necessity to act and to maintain a balanced and happy relationship.
Men too, like women, have emotions and sentiments but have been groomed to shield them, hide them. If it is important to be logical and thereby be less expressive at times, it is equally important to be emotional and expressive at times.
Men too, like women, have dreams and expectations from their spouse. And what if the spouse does not match up to the expectations? This is the beginning of a relationship that might turn sour.
To begin with, it needs to be accepted that one cannot completely get what he desires. And therefore, once a marriage has taken place, arranged or love, one will realise that there are more areas of differences than similarities. In that eventuality, the approach has to be - accept the person as she is and not as we want her to be. This beginning, will reduce expectations and the conflict within oneself to 50%.
The next step for the man is to accept that his wife will always be more emotional and sentimental and that is the prerogative of the woman. A man will have logical reasoning, a woman will have emotional logic. Infact, this is the basic difference between a man and woman. It is not that the woman is inferior to man. It is her greatness, for only through this she is able to bond the family and relationships. Yet, this is the irony, that because of such emotional logic, every relationship undergoes an element of confusion and stress.
Another important area for men to address is the changed situation in the life of his wife. Over night she has a changed role, from a carefree girl to a responsible wife, daughter-in-law, from one house and location to another. The wife needs appreciation and understanding. Men also undergo tremendous pressure, but it is not visible. Men are in the same situation but with changed role running the risk of being misunderstood by the very people with whom they have been living all along.
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